


Lighthouses on fire

by convexxed



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe - MAMA (EXO Music Video), Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Psychological Drama, References to Depression, Superpowers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 09:39:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14808845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/convexxed/pseuds/convexxed
Summary: Chanyeol claims to be Baekhyun's only hope when it comes to dealing with the Recruiters, but Baekhyun isn't sure that he can trust the man who trespassed into his house and killed his plants.





	Lighthouses on fire

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** 109  
>  **Pairing:** Chanyeol/Baekhyun + sneaky side couples if you squint very hard  
>  **Rating:** PG-13 (teens  & up)  
>  **Warnings:** heavy depression and anxiety talk, major character "death" (mind the quotation marks)
> 
>  **Author's note:**  
>  Hello! Author here. When I first claimed this prompt I never imagined it'd end up becoming a 30k+ monster but here we are. Before you read this, I'd like to make you aware that this piece of fanfiction revolves heavily around depression and anxiety and I tried my best to portray them as accurately as I could based on my own experiences with them and what I've learned from other people. If you find yourself struggling, please don't neglect the symptoms and make yourself a priority.
> 
> I can't shake off the feeling that this fic is sort of messy but that's probably my perfectionism speaking. Overall, I'm quite proud of the outcome of months of working on this, and I hope that y'all enjoy the rollercoaster ride. xoxo

**Part I. Idée fixe.**

A routine is defined as a sequence of actions regularly followed, or something that is performed as part of a regular procedure rather than for a special reason. 

If Baekhyun were to be asked about his routine, he’d say that he likes it. He fancies order amidst the chaos, and he relies on the simplicity of repeating the same tasks over and over to keep himself from losing his mind and make it through another day. The loop he’s stuck himself into is where he feels safe and comfortable, because it’s the sliver of time and space he has almost absolute control over.

Wake up at 7 a.m. and make the bed. The two pillows must be fluffed up, because he thinks they look nicer that way (read: less sad). Wash up and shave. Baekhyun uses a pomegranate scrub to exfoliate and a moisturizer to keep his skin looking fresh and young, and also because he dislikes when it gets dry—it feels alien, and the sensation of being in a body that is not his own is terrifying. 

Get dressed. He wears the clothes he laid out the previous night before going to bed, checks himself in the mirror to make sure they aren’t too snuggly or too loose, and then heads to the kitchen to fix himself some breakfast. Eat and load up on caffeine. Baekhyun likes his coffee with skim milk and one teaspoon of brown sugar, and on most days he has a typical Korean breakfast. Natto and rice are the staples, although the sides may vary depending on his mood or what’s available in the pantry that morning. 

He always washes the dishes and clears the kitchen before leaving, too, and then spends the next hours stuffing information into his brain, making it fit like Tetris pieces where it doesn’t seem to be any more space left.

Once he’s back home after a long day, he jumps right into the shower to wash off the pent-up stress and exhaustion that often tends to weigh him down, thoroughly scrubbing his skin until it turns a light shade of pink that he’s satisfied with. Moisturize again. Dinner comes shortly after and he settles for eating the contents of one of the containers he prepared in advance during the weekend, popping pieces of chicken and stir-fried vegetables into his mouth while watching a variety show to keep his thoughts from wandering. Study time. Then, he calls it a day and slips into bed for a few hours of sleep—but that’s not where his routine ends.

After pulling the covers over his head and letting the darkness engulf him, he takes a deep breath and rubs his hands together for exactly ten seconds to warm them up, then focuses on directing his energy to the tips of his fingers and lets the light flow out of them. There is no logical explanation to whatever’s happening to his body, and the countless nights he’s spent reading Wikipedia articles and watching YouTube videos in hopes of finding some answers have been all fruitless. 

Sleep takes over at last after another thirty minutes of pondering over what could’ve possibly caused this strange power to awaken within him, followed by hours filled with terribly confusing and obscenely vivid dreams. In most of them he finds himself surrounded by abandoned buildings and the sun shines bright over him, and no one can hear him no matter how much he screams—in fact, he doubts there is anyone around besides him. The water covering the concrete ground and the red paint smeared on it can’t possibly be good omens, but Baekhyun usually wakes up before unraveling their meaning.

The real world is no less of a dangerous place than his confusing dreams, but at least he can wake up from the latter. Life doesn’t come with a reset button, and everything he does has a consequence.

People don’t know that his whole routine was built around his secret, to keep it safe and hide the fact that he’s different from everyone else. They don’t know the kind of fear he lives in, and how he’s on edge almost all the time because he’s terrified of being found by the government agents in charge of tracking down anyone who shows signs of possessing supernatural powers. They don’t know that he can use his fingertips to paint with light and the entire world is his canvas, and that his mood is affected by the weather and the time of the day; he’s happier and more active during spring and summer, when the days are longer and he thrives on golden sunlight, but fall and winter have the opposite effect on him. It’s during these seasons that he closes in on himself and isolates from the rest of the world as a coping mechanism, and most of his days are spent at his desk in company of his houseplants and the LED grow light he impulsively got for them in fear they might die if they didn’t get enough light.

But just like bright lights attracted moths, a surprisingly large number of people had been inevitably drawn towards Baekhyun throughout the years, although his anxious nature and strange habits had been too much and scared them away. All his relationships so far have been short-lived and he’s aware that his social life is in shambles, but Baekhyun is fine by himself. Keeping a secret is much easier when it’s not shared with anyone else, and he intends to take his own to the grave.

(Little does Baekhyun know that his secret is no secret at all, and it might indeed cost him his life.)

 

&&&

 

**Part II. Death.**

“Mom, I’m fine.” Baekhyun insists tiredly into the phone while he makes himself a cup of tea, rolling his eyes when the woman at the other end of the line goes into another rant about how she’s worried about him not having any friends or going on dates like every other guy his age, then tries to convince her son to come home for grandma’s birthday. Baekhyun smiles. “Depends on what food you’ll be making. If there’s anything grilled on the menu, count me in.”

Interactions with his family aren’t as weird as one may think, especially if we’re talking about Baekhyun, but the truth is that he often engages in long phone calls with his mother and older brother. While he enjoys being by himself, he also appreciates hearing about the people he holds close to his heart and their very normal lives that don’t include obsessive routines and secret superpowers. 

In return, he keeps them updated about his plants and how well they’re growing, allowing himself to forget about the weight he carries on his shoulders and the burdensome thoughts swimming in his head from the moment he opens his eyes until he goes to bed at night.

“I’ll be there, so don’t worry. Yes, I’ll call you back in a couple days.” He promises as he leans against the counter and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, running his free hand through his dark hair. It’s been a few days since he last washed it, so that’s the very first he does after hanging up and drinking his tea while mentally going over today’s schedule: wash up. Get dressed. Make breakfast. Grab some groceries from the store nearby. Watch his plants for the next four or five hours and daydream about being one of them.

How wonderful would that be? He’d bloom in spring, thrive in summer, paint himself gold and red in fall, then wither and die in winter. Right. Perhaps being a plant wasn’t as great as he’d made himself believe. 

“I’m sort of dead inside already, anyway.” He murmurs as he trudges towards the bathroom, chuckling quietly to himself at his own expense. What better way to cope with his sad life than by making fun of his woes and mishaps?

Once he’s out of the shower, he stands in front of the mirror and stares intently at his reflection for nearly a minute before raising his hands to his face and letting the light flow out of his fingertips. It’s a warm and soothing kind of light that Baekhyun thinks of as the core of his existence, although it’s also a source of distress and fear. However, he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

He takes a deep breath and runs his glowing fingertips down his neck and over his chest, tracing the slightly protruding ribs that shield his heart and lungs, but could also pierce them and kill him if they ever broke. His hands wander further down his torso, playing with the soft fuzz growing below his belly button before caressing his hip bones, then runs his hands up his chest and face and squishes his cheeks together.

After debating whether to leave his routine untouched or tweak it to make some time to go buy a day present for his grandmother, he decides to go for the latter. He’s got nothing else to do besides staring at his plants, after all, so he can deal with this small change without feeling like the world is going to end and having a major breakdown at night. The glow radiating from his fingertips goes out and Baekhyun proceeds to get dressed up for the day ahead, disguising himself as a functional human being under layers of monotones and the safety that his thick rimmed glasses offer.

 

It takes him a couple hours to find a nice gift for his grandmother (a cookbook and a new pair of knitting needles made the cut) and after making a quick detour into a bakery nearby he finally returns home. It’s barely past noon yet he’s exhausted and craves for some silence and fresh air to clear his mind off the noisy world below, and it’s with a happy hum that he slips the key into the slot and unlocks the door to his haven—except this time around it welcomes him to hell, instead.

The paper bag with the bread he’s holding almost slips from his arms in shock upon seeing the mess that his apartment has become, and he feels himself quickly spiraling down into a nervous breakdown. Everything has been turned upside down and his safe space is now barely recognizable anymore: his books are scattered over the torn carpet and his cupboards have been emptied from their contents, canned soup and smashed produce littered over the counter and the floor. He steps into a puddle of milk and apple juice and sets the paper bag on the countertop, holding back his tears as he leaves the kitchen and approaches his room.

There, Baekhyun’s greeted with the worst sight imaginable.

His first thought is that somehow a typhoon snuck in through the window and swept away with everything in there, tearing apart his curtains and bedsheets and knocking over his bookshelves. Nothing could compare to the horrific sight of his beloved plants laying lifelessly over the dirt and water covered floor, the LED grow light shattered and probably no longer useful. Who could’ve done such a heinous thing? Baekhyun had never angered anyone enough for them to want to take revenge on him (as a matter of fact, he seldom interacted with people outside his tiny group of friends, hence that scenario would be a stretch).

“Oh, you’re back.” A deep voice disrupts Baekhyun’s thoughts and he finally acknowledges the tall man dressed in black from head to toe that’s standing by his bed, who gets immediately marked by Baekhyun’s brain as the main suspect. Questions flood his mind but his train of thoughts gets interrupted when the mysterious stranger steps on what’s left of his favourite succulent, and Baekhyun can almost physically experience heartbreak. “I’m sorry about the intrusion and the mess, but—”

Baekhyun doesn’t wait for him to finish talking to make a move that could potentially save his life (and also the only logical thing he can think of right now). He grabs the nearest object within his reach –a botanic book— and throws it at the man with as much force as he can, channeling his anger and sadness into the swing. 

The damp pages flip as the book travels across the air and Baekhyun is too upset to run, and despite having a noble soul he sort of hopes that the book either stabs the man in the eye or breaks his nose; it’s a thick and heavy volume, after all, and he’s no longer got a use for it since all his plants are dead. However, the book never touches the intruder. Instead, it bursts into flames all of a sudden and all that’s left of it are remnants of charred pages and ashes, and Baekhyun realizes that he should’ve run away when he had the chance. This man destroyed his apartment and killed his plants, and he was sure that he wouldn’t hesitate to put an end to his miserable life.

“That was unnecessary,” the man with the deep voice says from behind the mask he’s wearing to partially hide his face, tucking his hands into his pockets as he turns his body towards the newcomer. “Good arm, though. You’re stronger than you look.”

Baekhyun ignores the compliment in favour of picking up a shoe lying by his feet and prepares for another toss, but the intruder has already figured out his intentions.

“Oh, you don’t want to do that.”

Baekhyun flinches and squeezes the shoe in his hand, his gaze dropping briefly to the ashes that are the only evidence left of the botanic book he threw at the man a moment ago. Would his shoe burst into flames, too? “How did you get in?”

“I picked your lock.” The man answers without hesitation, though he does seem amused by the impromptu interrogation. Baekhyun can tell by his posture alone, even if he can’t see his face.

“You clearly came in here looking for something,” he says matter-of-factly, yielding the shoe in his hand as if it were a sword (or anything that could somehow protect him). “Did you find it?”

The man tilts his head and nods. “I did.”

“Okay. Good.” Baekhyun gulps and feels his knees giving up a little, his heart beating fast as he formulates his next question. “Are you going to kill me?”

There’s a brief silence between them where Baekhyun assumes that the man is indeed going to wipe him off the map but, much to his surprise, the intruder cracks up as if he’d just been told a joke.

“What? Lord¸ no. I’m not going to kill you.” He says at last, shaking his head lightly and perking up when he catches some unusual noises coming from the street below. Baekhyun doesn’t know it, but they’re running short on time. “I mean, at least not literally. We’ve only got a few minutes before undesirable guests arrive so listen up, and listen well.”

Baekhyun tenses up at this but says nothing, more concerned about the “undesirable guests” that the stranger mentioned than about this man’s motifs to break into his house and whatever he might be planning to do with him. What will be his fate, if not death? What was the stranger looking for, and who are the people coming over? Baekhyun has questions, but he’s also terribly scared of learning the answers.

“I’m listening.”

“There’s something about you that no one else knows about. Something that makes you different from the rest of the people you walk past every day, and it makes you feel special—and you are, but you aren’t one of a kind. Your secret is no secret at all, and those who know about it aren’t good people.” The man explains in a low voice that sends chills down the other’s spine and makes goosebumps rise on his skin, and Baekhyun feels slightly dizzy from being forced to confront a reality he’d been trying to outrun. “I know I didn’t make the best first impression but I’m on your side, and right now I’m your only hope to get alive out of here.”

_I’m your only hope._

Who is this man and how much does he know about Baekhyun’s life? Is he a spy, perhaps? Has he been stalking him? Can he trust him? Questions pop up in his head and pile up like snowflakes on a windowsill, but they probably don’t have enough time to go through even half of them if there’s people actually coming after them.

“I don’t have a choice, do I?” 

The man shrugs. “No, if you cherish your life. I thought it’d take a lot more to convince you of the danger you’re in, so this is a very pleasant surprise.”

“Who’s coming after me?” Baekhyun asks, although he’s almost certain that he already knows the answer.

“The Recruiters, of course. Did you think you were safe here? I’m sorry to pop your bubble but they’ve known about you for ages.” The man says, and Baekhyun clasps his hands to keep them from shaking in fear. What a fool he’s been! “So have I. Kyungsoo alerted me that the Recruiters would make their move today and Jongin—” 

“I’m sorry, who?”

“Kyungsoo is kind of a psychic and gets glimpses of the nearby future. Jongin is a teleporter. Besides me and you, they’re the only ones who haven’t got caught yet by the Recruiters.” The man explains calmly, tugging up his sleeve to check the time on an expensive looking wristwatch. “And it’ll be just the two of them left if we don’t get the hell out of here right now.”

“Wait, what about my apartment?”

“What about it?”

“Look around! You tore down everything.” Baekhyun makes a wide gesture with his arms to emphasize his words, then leans down to pick up his favourite succulent and lifts it for the other man to see. “And you murdered all my plants!”

“Are you seriously making a drama over this?”

 _Oh, no._ Baekhyun was already on edge from having his routine disrupted, thus hearing this intruder call him out for reacting the way he did after coming home to a vandalized apartment is the cherry on top that throws him off the edge. “That’s because some of us still haven’t lost the ability to form bonds with other living things.”

(He conveniently overlooks the irony of his statement, of course.)

Shock registers in the tall man’s eyes when Baekhyun delivers his blow, and the latter tries his best to conceal how satisfied and proud he is of his quick thinking and unusually sharp tongue. Why should he have any sympathy for the man who trespassed and destroyed his apartment? Why should he be careful with his words, when the intruder didn’t hesitate to kill the only living things he felt connected to? 

“Right. Sorry about your plants but we really need to get out of here before it’s too late.” The man insists as he checks his wristwatch again, and Baekhyun bites the inside of his cheek while trying to wrap his head around everything that’s happening. He knew that this day would come sooner or later because the government and its Recruiters have eyes everywhere, but he’s still wary of the man that claims to be his only hope to escape the fate that many other bearers of superhuman powers have fallen victims of.

While he would like to live as a free man for a very long time, he’s absolutely terrified of stepping out of his comfort zone and abandoning the meticulous routine he crafted and has spent months perfecting; the thought alone of the million things that could go wrong makes him break into cold sweats and palpitations, and he feels nauseated at the sudden realization that he no longer has a safe place to go to.

_I can’t._

Had this never happened, right now he would be comfortably and happily seated in front of his plants, singing to them and fantasizing about growing out roots and blooming in spring. Then he’d go make himself some dinner and eat it in front of the TV or maybe his laptop while watching a movie to prevent his mind from going into overthinking, and finally he’d call this a day and slip under the covers to try to sleep his crippling anxiety and loneliness away. Alas, he’s no longer got a bed or even plants to give his life a purpose, so perhaps he should give this man a chance and listen to whatever he has to say.

(Or not.)

“I-I still don’t know if I can trust you, and my gut instinct is telling me to—”

The man strides over and hovers over Baekhyun, who immediately shrinks in himself as a natural reaction to having his personal space invaded so suddenly by a potentially dangerous person.

“Listen to me. There’s two graves already prepared for us with our names written on them, and every second wasted here gets us closer to being six feet underground by tonight.” The man’s voice is laced with urgency and suppressed anger, and his eyes are filled with danger and fire—like the one that consumed his book and turned it to ashes. “Earlier you asked if I was going to kill you and I said no, at least not literally. However, in order for you to survive it’s imperative that you die.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You. Need. To. Die.” The man repeats slowly, although Baekhyun can sense the urgency in his voice. However, he doesn’t plan to set foot outside of what’s left of his apartment until the man has proven himself worthy of his trust and that there’s no ulterior motive to his actions and unusual interest in him. 

“What’s that even supposed to mean? Nothing you’re saying makes sense.” Baekhyun steps backwards to put some distance between him and the mysterious man, wondering if self-defense is among his power’s various uses. How are his glowing fingertips supposed to protect him and save his life, though?

“The world seldom make sense, Tinkerbell. Same applies to life in general, although there are some exceptions.” And Baekhyun hates to admit that the man is correct. Sometimes, when the circumstances are right and every cosmic body in the universe flows in the same direction, incredible things happen. “Everybody dies: elders, middle-aged men and women, teens, children, and even babies pass away, and despite how horrific it is and how much it hurts, we’ve learned to accept death as the inevitable end of a cycle. Your time to die has come but fear not, for it will not mean that your life has ended—rather, when the time is right again you’ll rise from your own ashes like a phoenix.”

Silence. A few floors down, people are still rushing to get to work in time or to meet up with friends, each of them lost in their own thoughts and minding their own business. No one bats an eye when a black car with tinted windows and no plates pulls up in front of the apartment building where Baekhyun lives, and no one questions the presence of the three men in suits that come out of the vehicle. 

No one, not even those strange men, knows that Byun Baekhyun is about to die.

The carefree and oblivious passers-by jump in alarm and stop in their tracks when a young woman screams while pointing at the smoke coming out of one of the windows of Baekhyun’s apartment, and that’s enough to have a small crowd gathered around the area within seconds. Half of the bystanders pull out their phones to get the incident on tape, while only a handful of people have the decency and common sense to call emergency services and report the fire. The men in suits take advantage of the commotion to sneak into the building to collect their target, but what they find instead is an empty, torn down apartment, and a variety of random items burning in a trashcan conveniently placed underneath the kitchen window.

Police cars and firemen arrive at the scene after a few minutes, just as the men in suits get into their car and drive off, speeding past the alley where Baekhyun and the tall man are hiding behind the latter’s motorcycle. Baekhyun has his eyes squeezed shut and is holding his breath, counting down the seconds left until they’re found by the Recruiters and taken away to be either killed or turned into weapons.

 _“What’s the plan?”_ , he’d asked the tall man , who seemed beyond elated to have convinced Baekhyun to come with him. _“Because you do have a plan, right? Please, tell me that you do.”_

 _“The plan is to get you out of here alive, but trick everyone into believing that you’re dead for good.”_ Was what the man had said in response, although Baekhyun couldn’t understand how dying could be a good thing. What about his family? Wouldn’t he be allowed to contact them to let them know that he was doing well? Despite how much he wanted to do that, even the tiniest slip of tongue could compromise his secret and therefore, his life.

“Hey. They’re gone.” The man announces after another couple minutes of silence between them, with only the howling sirens and distant chatter of curious passers-by to fill the gaps. Baekhyun sighs. “We need to get somewhere safe. There’s no guarantee that those vultures won’t come back to double-check.”

“Is there really such thing as somewhere safe?” Baekhyun asks with a raised brow as he adjusts his glasses, tensing up when the tall man drapes a leg over the seat of his bike and proceeds to hand him a black helmet. “No. No, no, no. I’m not getting on that thing. My anxiety levels are already this high,” he brings a hand up to his forehead, “and I don’t intend to rise them any further up.”

“They aren’t that high, then, considering you’re not very tall.” The man sighs and slips the helmet on Baekhyun’s head without warning, leaving the other no choice but to oblige and get on the hideous ride. “Good. Hold onto my waist, please, and close your eyes if you get dizzy. Think of this as a carnival ride.”

“I’m not fond of carnival rides, either.” Baekhyun mumbles from behind the man whilst securing his arms around his waist and clinging to him for dear life, and for once he wouldn’t mind being made fun of for being a killjoy and a coward. He’s terrified and not having control over anything happening around him _and_ to him is starting to take its toll, and he’s begun to feel sick and faint. Forget that this man destroyed his apartment and killed his plants. Screw his pride, and curse all the death wishes that have haunted him for so long! 

Living was a chore, but dying would be no less of a burden for him and everyone who ever cared about Byun Baekhyun while he was alive—and he’s just learned that the only thing that scares him more than life is death itself.

“Are you okay?”

Baekhyun growls. “Of course I’m not okay. You entered my home without permission, destroyed almost all my belongings, killed my plants, and I don’t know where you’re taking me. For all I know, you could’ve lied to me and be worse than the Recruiters.”

“I understand that you’re angry at me and what I did, but don’t compare me to that scum. I’m nothing like them and, like I said earlier, I’m your only hope to survive.” The man says, and Baekhyun’s grip around him tightens when they enter a tunnel and darkness engulfs them. He still doesn’t know where they’re headed to or how long it’ll take them to get there, and not having a saying about what’s happening is making him feel anxious and at the brink of having a mental breakdown. He needs a distraction.

“Are you a stalker?”

The man huffs in obvious incredulity at the accusation, although Baekhyun thinks he has enough reasons to believe he might be one. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. You know too much about me and that’s suspicious.” Baekhyun reasons, squinting when they emerge from the tunnel and the light blinds him for a couple seconds. For someone who prefers looking after plants rather than engaging into conversations with actual human beings, he surely is talking a lot today. “I’ll give you the benefit of doubt. Still, you not being a stalker doesn’t explain why and how you know my name, address, and that little secret I haven’t told anyone and intended to take to the grave with me.”

Baekhyun doesn’t try to conceal the hurt in his voice or how annoyed he is by this stranger that somehow knows things he’s never disclosed to the public. The violation to his privacy makes him feel both angry and deceived, because he genuinely thought that he was the only owner of his secrets—alas, it turned out that someone else knew about them. (Read: this man and also the Recruiters.) The sudden urge to jump off the moving bike is strong and Baekhyun blames it on his anxiety and all the emotions he’s experiencing at once, but he forces himself to shove away those destructive thoughts and hold onto this man, resting his forehead against his back as he squeezes his middle once again.

“Baekhyun?”

“You said you were on my side, but can I really trust you? It’s unfair that you know all these things about me while I know nothing about you. You’re a faceless and nameless shadow who I’m blindly entrusting my life to, and that bothers me.” He says quietly, trying his best to ignore the sickness building up in his stomach. His heart is beating fast, too, and the rush of adrenaline is extremely unpleasant.

The man continues driving in silence for another couple minutes in which Baekhyun mentally goes through his day and all the crazy events that have taken place thus far, getting startled by the deep voice that promises to show his face and tell him his name once they arrive to their destination. 

“I already said this but I’m truly sorry about your plants. I could tell that you loved them a lot by how well you took care of them.” The man says, though this time Baekhyun doesn’t answer. Yes, he loved his plants, and now that they’re gone he’s going to need to find another way to cope and keep himself from spiraling down into a bottomless pit of despair and catastrophic thoughts. The reminder of their unfortunate fate makes his heart ache and prompts guilt to bubble up inside him, easily eating up the anger he harboured towards the man who flipped his life upside down. “We’re almost there.”

What’s his family going to think about his disappearance? Will they get told that he died in an accidental fire and his body wasn’t found? Or would the Recruiters go through the trouble of searching for a body double for his parents to identify when they’re called to the morgue?

“Wait a second,” he murmurs, lifting his head and clutching the man’s clothes with slightly trembling hands. “Do you think we fooled the Recruiters into thinking I’m dead? Are we safe?”

“I’d love to say yes, but they’re not stupid. They’ll probably figure things out very soon and use the fake fire in your apartment to cover your unfortunate “death”, and then continue looking for you.” The man explains calmly as they approach what looks like a warehouse, and Baekhyun instinctively tightens his grip around him. “The thing is that they don’t know where to start looking, and we owe that to Jongin. He’s been using his power to help us teleport without leaving a trace of our presence and whereabouts. If it makes you feel better, we all faked our deaths to survive.”

“I can’t decide whether I find that disturbing or comforting.” Baekhyun admits, but soon he learns that he does feel a bit more at ease knowing that there are others like himself who had to abandon their loved ones and leave everything behind to live in the shadows, like the outcasts they were forced to become. “I suppose I’m not allowed to reach out to my family, right?”

“Yeah. Sorry about that, too, but we can’t take any risks.” The hellish ride finally comes to an end when they slip into a concealed passage that leads straight into the warehouse, except it’s nothing like Baekhyun imagined it would be. 

The spacious warehouse isn’t empty and dark, like he expected, but rather generously lit and pleasantly warm. Instead of stocked up shelves lined up along the floor, there’s furniture arranged to resemble an actual living space with beds, a small kitchen, and bathroom included. The walls are painted an icy blue and unfortunately there are no windows, much to Baekhyun’s dismay, but the lamps dangling from the ceiling are potent enough to make it seem like sunlight is pouring in 24/7—despite this, the light they emit is cold and lifeless, and it reminds Baekhyun of the grow light he’d gotten for his plants.

The next thing that catches his attention is the massive TV screen embedded in one of the walls. It’s the biggest one he’s ever seen and there’s also a modern sound system to accompany it, and Baekhyun wonders just how much money the man must own to be able to rent an entire warehouse and also equip it with the latest technology in the market. Just who in earth is this guy?

“Surprised?” The tall man asks once he notices that Baekhyun is staring, and the latter doesn’t bother to conceal his surprise when the stranger finally removes his mask and reveals a face that has him frowning and squinting while trying to figure out what he’s looking at.

The man can’t be as old as the creases on his forehead and the outer corner of his eyes suggest, but right now Baekhyun isn’t certain of anything and he doesn’t entirely trust his judgement, but assuming things wouldn’t be very nice of him, either. Would it be rude to ask how he got the scar across the bridge of his nose and the one above his right eyebrow? What about the burn marks on the left side of his face, extending from his cheek to his neck and past the collar of his black turtleneck sweater? 

Unruly red locks pop out from underneath the hat he was wearing once he removes it and Baekhyun’s hand flies up to touch his own sleek straight hair, quietly clearing his throat before discreetly pushing his glasses up his nose and fixing his clothes to try to look like less of the mess he’s become. The man exudes confidence and power through his posture and movements and, even though Baekhyun still has no clue in regard to this man’s identity, it’s crystal clear that he’s someone important who knows his potential and how to get the best out of his power. What’s there to fear when you can burn entire buildings down to ashes with your bare hands and walk away free of any suspicion?

Baekhyun may possess the ability to manipulate and create light and, albeit beautiful, his power seems pretty much useless in comparison to the man who controls fire. The lights above them flicker twice and the man focuses on Baekhyun, taking note of his clenched fists and tightly pursed lips, before carefully approaching him and bending down to his eye level.

“Easy, tiger.” He says, and quiet, anxious Baekhyun has to take a deep breath and convince himself that knocking the living daylights out of this man is not worth it. Besides, he has so little experience fighting that it’d most likely result in a failed attempt at punching him and an injured hand. It’s hard to explain but this man’s nonchalance annoys him. “I haven’t got the generator running yet so please control yourself before you leave us in the dark.”

“Then hurry and tell me who the hell you are and what is this place.” Baekhyun urges through gritted teeth, the colour suddenly draining from his face but comes back shortly afterwards as a bright blush when his knees buckle and his legs threaten to give up. His levels of adrenaline seem to have normalized and the weight of the events of the have finally caught up to Baekhyun, who stumbles backwards until his legs can no longer hold his weight and he slides down to the concrete floor, with his hands shaking wildly and throat feeling awfully dry. The harder his heart pounds against his ribcage, the quicker he starts disconnecting from reality and surrendering to the darkness taking over.

“Hey,” a deep voice calls from somewhere that feels too far away from where Baekhyun is, but it’s somehow louder than his heartbeats. He listens. “I know that this is a lot to take in at once and this place isn’t ideal, but you’re safe here.”

_You’re safe here._

And yet, Baekhyun had never felt so exposed and vulnerable before. He’s stuck inside a warehouse with a man he doesn’t know, and there’s people outside looking for them; dangerous people that want something that only they possess and will use whatever methods to get their hands on, and if they’d gotten to Baekhyun before this man he would probably be on his way to one of the government’s facilities—or Hell itself. Same thing.

“I’m not safe anywhere.” Baekhyun murmurs dejectedly after a minute of silence, wrapping his arms around his torso and clutching tight his sides, nails digging into his skin through his clothes. “I’m scared.”

Though ‘scared’ might be a serious understatement to the way Baekhyun is feeling, because it goes way beyond that; he’s on the brink of having a mental breakdown and right now he doesn’t have enough energy to fight against the darkness and the rough waves trying to pull him down. The walls seem to be closing in on him at an alarming speed, trapping him and nearly driving him insane, and he would’ve started hyperventilating if it wasn’t for the hand on his shoulder that helped him ground down again.

“Let me tell you something. The other guys and I have been there, too, and on some days the fear of being caught comes back and tells us to abandon everything we’ve worked for…but we can’t do that.” The man says. “Fear is a natural reaction to any distressing situation but we can choose how to deal with it, and the three of us have chosen to learn how to live with it and use it to our advantage. I know it’s too soon to ask you to get where we are, but if you let us we could help you. We could teach you how to turn your weaknesses into strengths, and how to exploit your power.”

“But I don’t want to get in trouble or fight anyone. I’m not made to deal with that kind of situations.” Baekhyun retorts right away, worried. “Since you claim to know enough about me then I assume you’re aware that I’m a walking lightbulb. I don’t understand why the Recruiters and the government would need anyone as useless as me, or why you’d risk your life to keep mine intact.”

The lights flicker again and this time one goes out with a pop just as Baekhyun’s fingertips and ears start to glow, and he isn’t sure whether he likes or hates the way the man’s eyes widen at the sight and gently squeezes his shoulder. He’s still curious about the scar and the burn marks marring the man’s skin, but he doesn’t think he’s earned yet the right to ask about them. 

“You still haven’t told me your name, nor what is this place.” Baekhyun reminds the man although it’s also a reproach, and an easy way to change subjects and steer the conversation away from himself. The walls have returned to their places and he’s far from being alright, but the rough waves seem to have calmed down enough for him to be able to keep his head barely above them. “You promised you would fill me in once we reached a safe place and, according to you, this is it.”

“My name is Chanyeol, and this is where you’ll be living from now on.” The man with vibrant red locks informs as he stands up and gestures openly to their surroundings, offering a hand to help Baekhyun get back on his feet. The latter reluctantly takes it and stands up with some effort, the dizziness lingering and making white dots appear in his vision. “So, go ahead and get comfortable.”

Wait. Did he just say that Baekhyun would be living here? At the warehouse? Despite being equipped with the latest technology and furniture for (probably) six people to live there comfortably, it’s far from an ideal home—not to mention that it was no windows whatsoever, and the lack of any other form of life besides bugs and Chanyeol is already making Baekhyun depressed.

“You mean…I can’t go out?”

“It’s for your own safety.”

“But I don’t want to be locked up in here all the time!” Baekhyun cries out in obvious despair, terrified of what could happen if he’s let alone with his thoughts for too long. “I’m going to go crazy if I don’t go out and do something.”

“You didn’t seem to have a problem with secluding yourself to stare at your plants all day, though.” Chanyeol realizes his mistake when hurt flashes in Baekhyun’s eyes and his face turns red in both anger and embarrassment, the strong negative emotions not only causing the lights to flicker again, but it also messes with the electricity of the place. The massive TV screen comes alive for only a second before it turns off again, and Chanyeol notices right away the static lingering in the air along with an almost imperceptible buzz that his ears catch anyway.

Baekhyun’s power is light so _technically_ he shouldn’t be able to affect anything unrelated to it, so how is it possible that the electricity-fed devices and appliances had reacted to his mood swings? Something is telling Chanyeol that there’s more to Baekhyun than what his extensive research about the light bearer taught him. Baekhyun, on the other hand, seems unaware of his own potential and that his power is more than just for show.

“I don’t have any plants to stare at, anymore.” Baekhyun murmurs under his breath and feigns innocence when the taller man spares him a confused glance, deciding to leave it at that instead of picking up any pointless fights. As hurt as he is over the loss of his home and his belongings, there’s also the undeniable fact that this man saved his life and, therefore, he _owes_ him.

Just the thought of owing anything to anyone makes him feel uneasy and increasingly anxious, because this means that he isn’t going to be able to get any proper rest until his debt has been properly repaid. Besides, that establishes some sort of relationship between them and Chanyeol isn’t exactly the type of guy he wants to be involved with. Baekhyun would rather live a quiet, stress-free life surrounded by plants but, alas, some sacrifices must be made if he wants to live enough to hopefully have the chance to pick up the pieces and start over. After everything that’s happened today he doesn’t know if he’ll ever have the strength for that, though, but he’s chosen to give himself a chance before declaring this a lost cause and a war not worth fighting.

“I already apologized for—” Chanyeol gets interrupted by his phone ringing and Baekhyun doesn’t know why he hesitates before reaching into his pocket for his phone and picking up the call, because he isn’t bothered in the slightest by their conversation being cut off. Rather, he’s relieved to finally have some time for himself to sort out his thoughts and process the events of the day. 

However, Baekhyun’s brain and anxiety seem to have teamed up against him to remind him of everything he just lost and the life he won’t be getting back anytime soon. They attack with full force when he sits down on the edge of the bed to rest and glances around the warehouse, becoming suddenly aware that he won’t be able to carry on with the daily routine he put together to get things done without losing his mind in the process. He’s a ship with no destination and no wheel to set a course; the ocean he’s sailing is big and its horizon blends with the sky, but Baekhyun’s bound to eventually crash into something and meet his demise.

What’s going to happen to his studies? Will this force him to drop out of university and put them on hold for an indefinite period of time? Will his family hold a funeral for him? He’d rather them not spend money on such an unnecessary thing because he isn’t dead, but there’s no way he can let them know that without putting their lives in danger. He even laments losing the privilege of going out and taking a dive into the city’s lousy street life with all that people focused on living their own lives and tending to their affairs, because now that he’s being forced into isolation he’s got no choice but to mind his own business. 

Solitude was his choice but loneliness had been with him for as long as he could remember, and sometimes it would creep up his body like a snake and wrap around him to try and suffocate him. Other times it took the shape of a big black dog that growled whenever he tried to step out of his comfort zone and do something else with his life. At some point in his life the lines became blurry and he started seeing the snake and dog as his only true companions and friends, until his interest for plants took over and the beasts stepped back. Now that the plants were gone, what would stop them from consuming him?

He lies down in bed and slowly curls into himself as the invisible snake slithers up to him, pulling his legs up and tucking his knees under his chin, his hands coming up to cover his ears as his fingers tangle in his hair and tug at the roots. Cold chills creep up his spine as the snake wraps around Baekhyun’s body and squeezes once, then twice, tightening its deadly embrace until his breath starts slowing down and painful cramps render him unable to run away.

 _Knock me out. Please._ He begs to the snake when the pressure in his chest and headache become too painful to bear while being awake, praying for this to end quickly. 

Somewhere, a lightbulb goes off. The TV lights up but displays no image, only static. White noise bounces against the walls of the warehouse and fills up the space, devouring the silence. The snake slowly loosens its grip around Baekhyun and eventually releases him completely, then disappears. The big black dog licks away the boy’s tears and curls up to him, but then perks up when a tall figure engulfed by flames emerges from the shadows and their gazes meet—except Chanyeol isn’t burning up and there is no dog lying next to Baekhyun.

It’s just the two of them and the white noise, and the plain white pill that Chanyeol pops in his mouth and swallows dry as part of his very own routine.

 

&&&

 

**Part III. Momentum.**

Baekhyun often wonders if being alive is worth everything he’s going through. 

His first week at the warehouse is mostly spent by him either sleeping the days away or staring into the void, yearning for even the tiniest amount of sunlight to save him from losing his mind over the horrible artificial lighting of the lamps. He misses his family, too, much more than he ever thought he would, and often wonders how they’re coping with his death. Has his mother cried herself to sleep? Does his brother miss him? Have his teachers and classmates noticed that he’s been missing classes, or has his absence gone unnoticed by everyone? Has his life ever been worth anything, or is he just a waste of space?

Being dead to the rest of the world is an incredibly sad thing and he’s starting to regret not having spent his time as a free man doing greater things than secluding himself in his tiny apartment and staring at potted plants all day long. He “died” without leaving a legacy to the world or doing anything grand to be remembered by, and he knows that it’ll be only a matter of time until his name and face are forgotten and everyone else moves forward without him.

_This is fine. This is how things are supposed to be._

Baekhyun’s favourite mantra is a cheap and mediocre way to spare himself from the discomfort and pain of forcing himself out of his bubble and make changes to his lifestyle, but you know what they say: repeat a lie a thousand times and it’ll become the truth.

And Baekhyun is belatedly coming to realize that none of this is fine.

As if that wasn’t enough, he’s still having the same nightmare from before he was brought to his place. In it, he’s surrounded by buildings and there’s water mixed with shimmery red paint pooling around his feet, but some things have changed since the last time he had this dream. For starters, he’s able to move around the area and explore some, and he’s learned that the Baekhyun in his dream seems to be looking for something. Despite being all alone and surrounded by decaying buildings, he’s started to get the feeling that someone, somewhere, is watching him closely.

“Hey, you up?”

Baekhyun doesn’t answer but that doesn’t stop Chanyeol from trying to get a reaction from him, which comes in the form of an annoyed grunt when he tugs at the covers hiding Baekhyun from his eyes and presents him a tray with food: a piece of toast with strawberry jam, scrambled eggs, an apple, and a carton of chocolate milk. Baekhyun scans every item with accusing eyes and then looks up at the man sitting on the edge of the bed he claimed as his since day one, pondering whether he should kick him or behave.

“What’s with the chocolate milk?” He asks, feigning indifference to the sweet treat and ignoring the Western style meal he was served. This is so different from his usual meals at home, but he can’t complain. Chanyeol is wearing long sleeves today as well and Baekhyun briefly wonders why, but then decides that shove that thought away in favour of focusing on the food.

“I understand that the change of lifestyle was very abrupt and you don’t like me or this place, but you can’t go on without eating. I’d be a lot more at ease if you continued hating me with a full stomach.” The redhead says and Baekhyun almost smiles. Almost.

“A full stomach would mean having less room for my hatred, though.” Baekhyun half-jokes in return and he’s surprised to have some sense of humour left after the week he’s had. The chocolate milk looks too good to pass so he reluctantly sits up and reaches out for the carton, shaking it a bit before poking it open with the straw and taking a long sip. “Before all this happened, I used to joke about feeling dead inside. I’d laugh at my own expense and throw pity parties for myself because I didn’t fit anywhere and getting close to people was burdensome. I didn’t want anyone invading my personal space or trying to read me and unveil all my secrets.”

Chanyeol gently pushes the tray closer to Baekhyun and nods in acknowledgement, encouraging him to continue talking and eating. Baekhyun sets down the carton and picks up the toast, munching silently on the crust while sorting out his thoughts.

“Now I’m dead to the rest of the world and locked up inside a warehouse, with you. No offense.”

“None taken.” Chanyeol waves his hand to dismiss the potential insult and suddenly remembers he’s got something to tell Baekhyun. “Speaking of which, I attended your funeral a couple days ago.”

Baekhyun freezes in the midst of a bite. The strawberry jam loses its sweetness and the toast tastes like dirt and piss on his tongue, bitter and absolutely disgusting. He spits it out and glares intently at Chanyeol, wishing that looks could kill.

“You what?”

Chanyeol shifts and runs a hand through messy red locks that bounce back and fall across his forehead, although they don’t entirely conceal the scar above his right eyebrow. “Right. You haven’t heard. Your family held a funeral for you and I dropped by to give my condolences.”

“Why?”

“Just wanted to check on them and make sure they were doing well.” Chanyeol shrugs. Baekhyun sets down the leftover toast and shakes his head, a myriad of emotions blossoming across his features and flashing in his eyes. Sadness and betrayal linger and cling to his knitted eyebrows and clenched jaw, spreading all the way down to his fingers as they curl tightly around the blanket draped over his legs.

“You’re kidding, right? They think I’m dead!”

“Which is a good thing. That means we succeeded and they’re not in any danger.” Chanyeol is quick to say to appease Baekhyun, waiting until he’s calmed down some to continue telling him about the unsolicited (but much necessary) visit to his family. “I told them I knew you from school and had heard about the unfortunate news. They seemed surprised by this because you’re not exactly a social butterfly, I know, but at least now they no longer think you died a loner.”

Baekhyun huffs and shakes his head in disbelief, feeling angered and hurt by Chanyeol’s actions. Couldn’t he have consulted him about it before doing anything? Tears of frustration over his vulnerability well up in his eyes and he promptly blinks them away, deciding that there’s no point in picking up fights with the man who saved his life. Being kind and polite, however, is still optional.

“Am I supposed to thank you for that? Because I sincerely don’t feel like it.” Baekhyun says. While he’s grateful for what Chanyeol did, he’s still a proud man with a shattered heart and no identity.

“I wasn’t expecting you to, but I thought you’d like to know that they’re all hanging there. It’s funny how time doesn’t stop after you die, don’t you think? Time and space falter, the sunlight flickers, the Earth hesitates for a split of a nanosecond—but nothing stops. Your name becomes a forbidden word and suddenly everyone is digging out photo albums and homemade videotapes, but all those happy memories evoke tears of grief instead of laughter.” Chanyeol pauses to lick his lips and clear his throat, running the pads of his fingers over the burn scars on his left forearm. “I know how you’re feeling. Like I said, we’ve been through that already. Jongin, Kyungsoo, and I…we’ve attended each other’s funerals and comforted those we left behind so they can look ahead and move on.”

There’s something in the way he talks about death and what’s life like after it that touches Baekhyun’s heart and soothes him down enough to stop and think before speaking. Baekhyun could’ve died for real that day but he’s still alive thanks to Chanyeol’s quick thinking and acting, and he still hasn’t thanked him for it. Oh, well. He’s sure that Chanyeol can live with it until that day comes.

“Who did you leave behind?” Baekhyun asks carefully, unsure whether or not this is still a sensitive topic for the tall man.

“My mom. My sister. My dog. The old me died that day, too.” Chanyeol pauses and smiles sadly but doesn’t let the emotion grow on him. He stands up from the bed and stares down at the tray sitting in front of Baekhyun for a moment before reaching out for the half-empty carton of chocolate milk, sipping from the same straw that Baekhyun used. “Eat up. You’ve been here for over a week and I still haven’t introduced you to the others. You might want to take a shower, too. You reek of self-deprecation.”

 

Showers are usually good to help people clear their thoughts and wash away their worries, but Baekhyun walks out of the bathroom with more questions swirling around his head rather than the answers he was expecting to find. Two things are crystal clear to him, though: his pity party is over and he can’t let himself die, and Chanyeol has a crazy amount of money.

How else could the fancy bathroom and latest technology at their disposition be explained? This warehouse is like nothing he’s ever seen before, with the gigantic flat screen and the marbled tiles covering every inch of the bathroom’s surface, and let’s not start talking about the four vehicles that Chanyeol owns besides the motorbike. How Chanyeol has managed to keep this place a secret remains a mystery, though, because he must’ve hired people to work on making this an unnecessary lavish but habitable place. (And Baekhyun might appreciate having a tub to bathe in.)

“Feeling better?” Comes Chanyeol’s deep voice from a nearby table where he’s seated at with a laptop and an empty wine glass as his companions. Baekhyun hums. “Come here for a bit.”

Baekhyun obliges and walks the short distance to where Chanyeol is while still drying his hair, pulling a chair to sit next to the man. It’s the first time that Baekhyun acknowledges how strongly he smells of… spearmint and rubbing alcohol? The combination of smells is weird although not enough to gross him out, so he puts up with it and glances in the direction of the laptop.

 _“Hello there.”_ The greeting startles Baekhyun and his reaction elicits a quiet snicker from the young man in the screen with the big and round eyes and the strands of auburn hair peeking out from under a hat with the logo of the national’s baseball team embroidered on it. He seems nice and approachable, unlike the tall redhead sitting beside him. _“Chanyeol has told us about you… Baekhyun, was it? I’m Kyungsoo. It’s a relief to see that you’re doing alright.”_

“Where’s Jongin?” Chanyeol asks, and the young man named Kyungsoo merely shrugs.

 _“Wish I knew what that boy’s thinking. I’ve tried to get him to be more communicative but I don’t think that’s working.”_ Kyungsoo admits with a shrug, seemingly bothered to have to look after someone with such a troublesome personality. _“Jongin is a teleporter, you see. Don’t let my looks fool you, because I actually have superhuman strength and divination powers.”_

Baekhyun smiles. He likes this Kyungsoo guy.

“You’re the one that alerted Chanyeol about the Recruiters getting on the move.” He says once he realizes who this man is, lightly bowing his head at him. “Thank you.”

_“Don’t you think I’m crazy for claiming to have superpowers? Aren’t you scared?”_

The smile on Baekhyun’s lips falls and is replaced by a scowl that doesn’t suit him at all, and Kyungsoo exchanges glances with Chanyeol. Last night the three of them had held a long conversation regarding whether or not Baekhyun had a place in their team, because neither Kyungsoo or Jongin thought that he had what it took to prove himself worthy and earn their trust. Chanyeol, on the other hand, insisted that he deserved a chance because there was more to him than they could see. 

“Didn’t he tell you that I’m a walking lightbulb? Do I think you’re crazy? No. Am I scared? Yes. A lot.” Baekhyun admits, dropping his gaze to his lap where his hands are resting. “Truthfully, it’s me who doesn’t understand why you went through the trouble of saving me. I’m useless… unless you consider my green thumb a talent. What would I do, though? Put on a light show for the Recruiters to enjoy while you take them down? I lost everything and I don’t want to fight anyone.”

Silence.

 _“You’re right,”_ Kyungsoo says while playing with a pocketknife, earning himself a weak smile from Baekhyun. The truth is painful but he appreciates his honesty. _“But we were just as lost as you when we first found each other. Jongin got stuck in weird places probably a dozen times while learning how to properly teleport. I broke doors and furniture until I realized I could control my strength. Chanyeol—”_

“I’ve screwed up plenty of times, too.” The redhead interrupts Kyungsoo before he can go into detail about the things he’s done in the past, but Baekhyun doesn’t acknowledge the awkward situation. “I don’t think you’re aware of your true potential but that’s why brought you here.”

“I wasn’t given much of a choice, though.” Baekhyun reminds Chanyeol with a huff and crosses his arms over his chest as a clear sign of annoyance, which makes Kyungsoo laugh. Chanyeol’s phone rings and he promptly gets up once he sees the name on the screen, walking away from the table to take the call and thus leaving Baekhyun and Kyungsoo on their own. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

_“Shoot away.”_

“Is he rich or something?” He asks in a whisper, hoping that Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’s being too nosy by doing this. “And what’s the deal with him? He has all these scars and burn marks on his face and hands.“

 _“I can’t answer that but if you’re curious about what happened, then you should ask him."_ Kyungsoo continues playing with his pocketknife, and Baekhyun has enough reasons to believe that he knows exactly how he got those scars. _“It shouldn’t hurt telling you that yes, he’s indeed filthy rich. That bastard. I know he’s a bit eccentric but give him a chance, will you? Jongin was a safer bet to get you of there but he insisted to do it himself.”_

But, why? Baekhyun purses his lips and mentally goes over everything he’s learned today, and decides that he couldn’t care less about coming off as rude when he gets up and leaves without bidding farewell to Kyungsoo or thanking him for answering his questions about Chanyeol. The answers he wants aren’t here so why should he stay? Besides, he still hasn’t forgiven him for killing his plants.

It’s a petty excuse for such a childish behaviour, but right now he doesn’t feel like embracing his newly acquired adulthood. He returns to his room and crawls back under the covers, getting choked up by the guilt of letting his mother and brother cry over an empty casket and a death that never happened.

 

“Where is he?” Chanyeol asks when he returns to the table and finds Kyungsoo playing on his phone to entertain himself since Baekhyun is nowhere to be found, though the answer is obvious. “I’m sorry.”

_“Don’t be. Is everything alright between you two?”_

Chanyeol shrugs. “Took me over a week to get him to leave his bed. I know he’s going through a hard time and he has trouble adapting to new environments but I never thought he’d give us any trouble. He’s a good kid, though. I promise.”

 _“You keep talking as if you were an old man yet you’re still far from being one.”_ Kyungsoo reprimands Chanyeol in a playful tone that puts a smile on their faces. _“We must be the most boring twenty-something old guys in the country. Except Jongin.”_

“He’s turning twenty in January, right?”

Kyungsoo smiles and nods. _“Yeah. Sometimes I feel bad for stealing his youth away like this.”_

“The Recruiters would’ve eventually found him and ruined him beyond recognition, Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol reminds his friend, eyeing the empty wine glass on the table. “We did the right thing by doing that emergency intervention.”

 _“Speaking of Jongin…”_ Kyungsoo puts his phone away and shifts closer to the screen, his thick eyebrows furrowing under auburn locks. _“He found someone in Edinburgh. He’s going to follow him for a week and then try to make contact.”_

“Remind him to stay in touch with you.”

 _“No problem.”_ Kyungsoo’s smile returns to his face but leaves it when Chanyeol gets up to get some more wine, eyeing the fire bearer as he pours some Merlot into his glass. Kyungsoo prefers beer, but to each their own. _“I’m curious about something. Earlier you told the new kid that he wasn’t aware of his true potential… what was that supposed to mean?”_

“He called himself a walking lightbulb, but I think we’re dealing with something bigger.” Chanyeol explains briefly before bringing the glass to his lips and taking a sip, gazing in the direction of the room that Baekhyun occupies.

_“Like what?”_

Chanyeol shrugs and breathes out a sigh. “I’m not sure, but something _more_ than just light—”

 _“So…energy?”_ Kyungsoo offers without much thinking, but that’s enough to have Chanyeol pondering over that possibility. They didn’t know about Kyungsoo’s ability to foresee the future until a few months ago, so Baekhyun might as well possess a power that goes beyond being a human glowstick.

Maybe he ought to break in order to shine brighter.

 

Another couple days go by in relative calm until Chanyeol knocks on Baekhyun’s door one evening while he’s getting dressed after taking a shower, hair still damp and cheeks rosy and dewy. He misses his pomegranate scrub, but he’s got to make do with whatever’s available. 

He’s tried to come up with a routine that works for him while he’s stuck inside this warehouse but unfortunately there isn’t much to do around and not having his plans makes him sad and frustrated, and the lack of sense of purpose is what ends up dragging him back to a bed that isn’t his own and he shares no history with. He misses the comfort of his bed and living under his own rules, and the freedom he took for granted—but would he have done anything differently with his life if he’d known that this was going to happen?

No. Probably not. He would’ve stuck with what he knew and waited for either death or the Recruiters to come knocking on his door and take him away. How come he never considered the existence of an outcome where he lived? Dying is free of charge whereas staying alive comes at a high price, and Baekhyun is in great debt.

“Is everything alright in there?” Chanyeol asks from the other side of the door, and Baekhyun has the fleeting thought of slipping back under the covers and pretend to be asleep so he doesn’t get bothered. “Won’t you come out and join me for dinner? We’re having pizza tonight.”

Baekhyun doesn’t answer. Pizza sounds good, but Chanyeol’s company isn’t that appealing to him.

“I’m not asking you to like me, but you can’t stay locked up in there forever and starve yourself to death.” He isn’t taking any risks, though, so he’s quick to add, “Come on, let’s share a pizza and chat the night away.”

Baekhyun would much rather not do either of those things but what has he got to lose? Spontaneity is still among the things he dislikes the most and unfortunately is one of Chanyeol’s traits. Baekhyun doesn’t know how he deals with not planning everything ahead of time or having an established routine to live by, but most people wouldn’t understand why he needs those things, either.

Could there be anything worse than living in a windowless warehouse with a person he barely knows nothing about, and feeling like his soul and tiny will to live were ripped from the very core of his being? Yes. Baekhyun wouldn’t have considered opening that door if he wasn’t so starved for any kind of interaction with another living being and yearning for reassurance that his life was worth something, that there was a purpose to all this.

Baekhyun wordlessly walks past Chanyeol and heads to the table where they talked to Kyungsoo the other day, but he’s stopped by the redhead before he can pull a chair and take a seat.

“We could have dinner while watching a movie. I do it all the time.” Chanyeol offers, but Baekhyun isn’t comfortable with the idea of doing anything remotely friendly with him just yet.

“I’d rather eat here, if that’s okay with you.” He says quietly, pushing his glasses up and plopping down before Chanyeol can protest. Much to his surprise, the tall man complies with a nod and saunters off to get their food and some plates. “Aren’t you going to ask why?”

“You’d probably say that it’s because meals are supposed to be had at the table, or something like that. I don’t mind, really.” Comes Chanyeol’s answer, and Baekhyun gets slightly flustered by the accuracy of it. “In fact, I could learn from you and bring some structure to my life. I think my power is the reason why I’m so impulsive and volatile.”

“Is that how you got those scars?”

Curiosity. Regret. Guilt. Shame. Baekhyun wishes he could ignore these emotions and bury them underneath layers of fake indifference and toughness so he wouldn’t care about the effect they’ll have on Chanyeol, but he’s got to take responsibility for the harm and pain they’ll inflict. A slice of barbecue chicken pizza is slid onto his plate but he’s hesitant to take it. What if this is a test? What if he does something that triggers Chanyeol and he decides to get rid of him once and for all? He wouldn’t blame him, but he’d like to avoid any outcome where he ends up turned into ashes.

“Sorry.”

“Eat up.” Chanyeol orders over a mouthful of pizza but Baekhyun doesn’t move. “If you eat, I’ll tell you how I got all these. That’s fair, isn’t it?”

“Why would you tell me?” Baekhyun asks, wary.

“Because you asked, and you need to get something in your stomach. I get that you’re depressed but starving yourself won’t get you anywhere.”

“I’m not depressed, I’m lost.” He corrects with evident annoyance in his voice and the light above their heads flickers. “Maybe it’s both, I don’t know. I had everything figured out but then you came and destroyed what I built—years worth of hard work disappeared right before my eyes within minutes. I know that it was the only way to keep me alive, but you have to understand that this is hard for me and I need time to recover. Just…give me a break. Please.”

Truthfully, Baekhyun isn’t sure of _what_ he’s feeling right now. No victor has risen from the battle happening within himself and he’s torn between closing up like a clam and build higher walls between him and Chanyeol, or opening up and allowing himself to be vulnerable. 

“I accidentally set myself on fire once,” Chanyeol mumbles after a long moment of silence between them, reaching for another slice of pizza. Baekhyun hasn’t eaten even half of his first slice, yet. “I was still in high school and on my way home I saw some kids messing with a stray dog. I was a good kid, you know. My grades were decent, I never got into any serious trouble, I was friendly and nice to everyone…but that set me off. I was getting ready to charge at them when I started to feel hot, terribly hot, and the most intense pain I’d ever experienced. Alarmed and scared, I ran towards the kids to ask for help but I had no idea of what was happening to me. I didn’t know I was burning up.”

Chanyeol makes a brief pause to get them soft drinks and Baekhyun is left alone with his thoughts and unanswered questions, and the blurry mental image of a younger version of Chanyeol being engulfed by flames. He probably didn’t have dyed hair back then but it’s the only way he can picture him, so his red locks stay.

“What happened to the dog?” Baekhyun asks quietly over a mouthful of pizza crust, licking his lips.

“It ran away, of course. Everybody did, and I stayed behind trying to put out the fire before things got out of control. I came home with first and second degree burns that I couldn’t explain to anyone.”

“The scars…?” Baekhyun pushes, and he may be imagining it but he thinks he can see the hint of a smile playing on Chanyeol’s lips.

“I was lost, just like you. I couldn’t settle down because I was paranoid and terrified of the Recruiters showing up to collect me, until I realized two things that changed me: I didn’t belong anywhere and I was alright with that, and it was up to me how I used my power. But first, I needed to learn to control it.” Chanyeol snaps his fingers to emphasize his words and produces a small flame, keeps it alive for a few seconds, and then puts it out.

Intrigued, Baekhyun brings a hand up to his eye level and examines the surface of his palm, the lines like stitches crossing it, the rough and soft patches of skin. He curls his fingers into a loose fist and then unfurls them once his hand starts to become warm, and he watches with interest the glowing orb he created and the tiny specks of light dancing around it.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” Baekhyun asks, and Chanyeol hums in response. “Pretty, but also useless.”

“Is that what you think?” The redhead asks gently, leaning back with a sigh. “If we ended up in a dark place with no flashlights, who do you think we’d rely on? Maybe you can’t destroy things like Kyungsoo and me, but you can use your power for great things, too. We’ve all been lost but we found a way to make a new path for ourselves to walk on.”

Even though all this makes sense, Baekhyun can’t fathom the thought of himself being useful to anyone and doing any of the ‘great things’ that Chanyeol mentioned. He’s a lonely student with no place to call home and no purpose in life, whose family believes s dead and more often than not wishes he was. His routine has been reduced to sleeping the days away and getting out of bed only when it’s absolutely necessary, and then returning to hide under the covers to continue dreaming of abandoned buildings and invisible eyes watching him.

But Chanyeol has a way of making things sound possible and so easy, and Baekhyun catches himself becoming hopeful. He did say that the time would come where he’d rise from the ashes like a phoenix, right? For the first time in years, Baekhyun wants to believe.

“How do I do that? How do I escape the darkness?”

Chanyeol smiles. “You just have to turn on the light, Tinkerbell.”

 

A bit over a dozen white pills sit at the bottom of a lonely bottle while Chanyeol paces around the kitchen, waiting for his coffee to brew. It's past midnight but sleep stopped being his friend a long time ago; it’s not like all his worries are keeping him up, but rather he can’t think of any reason to put himself to bed and sleep like a normal person. Baekhyun, on the other hand, seems to have chosen sleep as his coping mechanism to avoid a reality he doesn’t like.

It’s been a month since he brought Baekhyun here to hide him from the Recruiters and, even though their relationship hasn’t exactly improved much since then, at least Baekhyun has stopped bringing up what he did to his apartment and his plants. He’s also started to leave his room at night to have dinner and chat without any coaxing from the redhead, who is elated by this unexpected but pleasant turn of events.

Chanyeol hasn’t told Baekhyun yet that he’d been watching him closely for months prior to the day they met, hence he knew so many things about him (including how to pick his lock). He plans to eventually explain this to him but for now, it’s better if he remains oblivious to how much time Chanyeol has spent observing him from afar and sometimes from a closer distance, or following him to university and even back home. He doesn’t need to know about that time he stood outside his door, pondering whether he should knock on it and introduce himself or run away. He doesn’t need to hear how terrified he’d been when Kyungsoo told him he’d just seen the Recruiters going after Baekhyun, or how relieved he was when he walked in through the door carrying grocery bags in his arms.

 _Are you a stalker?_ He might as well be.

“Penny for your thoughts, big guy?”

Chanyeol stops and turns in the direction of the voice, eyeing the tall figure in the hoodie leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. Then he resumes his pacing as if nothing had happened.

“How’s Scotland, Jongin?” The redhead asks and pours some freshly brewed black coffee in a white mug, steam rising from it. “Kyungsoo told me you were there. He mentioned something about you coming across someone very interesting.”

Jongin, who’s only nineteen and can teleport at will, pulls down the hoodie to reveal a face that Chanyeol’s seen plenty of times before, although the undercut is new. Jongin looks older than he actually is but his mannerisms and personality are the ones of a boy coming out of his teens and entering adulthood, pretending to be tough when in reality he’s a sweetheart. They met last summer and Kyungsoo decided to take him under his wing for the time being because he couldn’t fathom the thought of such a fragile boy having to deal on his own with leaving his family and playing dead.

“I did, in fact.” Jongin confirms with a light nod of his head, perking up when Chanyeol offers him a candy bar and a carton of strawberry milk. “I think I found another one of us. He probably thinks he’s being discreet but I’ve seen it all, Chanyeol. He controls the wind and he’s decent at it. There’s room for improvement, of course, but he has skills. I’m waiting for the right time to approach him.”

Wind. Chanyeol’s expression turns as bitter as his coffee but he’s quick to conceal it, thankful for the dim lightning that helps to partially hide his face from Jongin’s eyes.

“You still haven’t answered my question, though. What’s keeping you up?” Jongin sips at his strawberry milk and licks his lips. “Is it because of the new guy? Are you worried about him?”

“Am I that easy to read?” The redhead asks with a chuckle as he sets down his mug and moves to stand beside Jongin, shrugging some. 

“Kyungsoo said that you guys don’t get along very well.”

Chanyeol doesn’t know how to explain that it goes beyond something as simple as that and it’s more about their own life philosophy and the circumstances that brought them together, and he wouldn’t feel comfortable discussing those things with someone who wasn’t Baekhyun himself. He reaches for the bottle with the white pills and pops one into his mouth, then swallows it dry like he always does because the coffee’s too hot and he can’t bother to get some water.

“I was also wondering if you were still taking those.” Jongin says, tossing the empty carton and crumpled wrapper in the trash. “What are you going to do once you’re out of them? You probably have enough left for another month, but then what?”

“Then…whatever’s meant to happen, will happen.” Is Chanyeol’s simple answer to a question that is actually a complex one and shouldn’t be treated lightly, because those pills he takes are the ones that help him control his power and prevent him from becoming a hazard for everyone else around him.

“It’s at moments like this that I’m glad I don’t have to go through the things you do.” Jongin reaches out to pat Chanyeol’s shoulder and gives it a squeeze to express his sympathy, then straightens up. “But you don’t have to endure this by yourself.”

“I’d only upset Baekhyun more.”

“Or make him feel useful.” Jongin offers. “Get him involved, Chanyeol. He doesn’t need your pity or to be treated like you made him a favour by saving his life, or like he needs to earn his right to be here.”

“I didn’t—”

“Give him something to hold onto. Give him somewhere to belong.”

And then he disappears with a puff amidst a rainfall of sparks and smoke, having once again proven Chanyeol that he’s still got a lot to learn.

 

Real life or fantasy? That’s what Baekhyun asks himself every time he opens his eyes and greets a new day, unsure whether he wants all this to be a product of his imagination or reality. Five minutes pass and he’s still in bed, curled up under the blankets and ignoring his growling stomach, waiting for the moment of realization to hit him. 

“I’m not going to wake up from this because I’m not dreaming, or am I?”

No one responds, as expected, but Baekhyun knows the answer. It’s probably noon already but he doesn’t care because the days of living by his own rules and terms are over, and the best he can do in his current situation is merely exist and wait either for it to be safe for him to go out again or for death to come take him away. Oh, how awkward it’ll be to face his family after letting them believe he was dead. He still doesn’t know if he’ll have the courage for that but worrying ahead of time and jumping to conclusions is pointless and a waste of energy and time.

Groaning, he kicks off the blankets and emerges from underneath them, running a hand through his hair to smooth it down as he sits up. Everything looks about the same as it does every day, except for the potted plant sitting by the door. Baekhyun slips on his glasses and pinches the back of his hand because this can’t be real, so he must be dreaming. 

No. The pinch hurts and the small cactus is still there, compelling Baekhyun to come closer and take a look at it. He does just that and sits on the floor with his legs crossed, then gently picks up the cactus and inspects it from several angles to make sure it’s in a good condition. It is, and he finds himself smiling for the first time since he came here because he and the cactus are awfully similar: they’re rootless, with their spines out to deter anyone from coming too close yet unable to survive on their own. 

“How did you get here?” He asks to the cactus as he gently pokes the spines, flinching when his carelessness results in a pinched fingertip and a small amount of blood oozing out of it and dripping down his finger. He, too, has hurt others without really meaning to, and he finally acknowledges that he owes someone an apology and a second chance.

His mind tries to convince him to stay inside the bedroom but he decides to not listen to it for a change, and sticks to the original plan of heading outside and looking for Chanyeol. Who else could’ve brought him a plant, if not him? He knew how much his succulents meant to him and how devastated he was when he killed them, after all, but he probably has no idea of how this simple gesture of consideration and redeem has affected Baekhyun. And he intends to make him aware of it.

Chanyeol isn’t hard to find. His red hair stands out against the cold tones of the warehouse and he’s wearing all black again, which makes him look like some sort of oversized ladybug immersed on whatever he’s doing on his laptop. After much deliberation and mentally practicing what he’s going to say, Baekhyun approaches the man and clears his throat to announce his arrival.

“Thanks.” Baekhyun scrunches up his face, mortified that a single word was the only thing he could utter out of the whole speech he’d prepared. “For the plant, I mean. Thank you.”

Chanyeol looks away from the laptop screen and Baekhyun stares at the burn scars on his face, recalling the story about how he’d gotten them. Someone who saves stray dogs from bullies and gifts plants to make amends can’t be a bad person, right? Chanyeol himself said he was on his side, and he wants to believe that he went through the trouble of saving his life because it mattered to someone—to him.

“You’re welcome.” Chanyeol says after a moment of silence. “It’s the least I could do after what I did to your plants. Sometimes apologies aren’t enough, right? At least mine weren’t, but hopefully it’ll help you get through the discomfort of living with me.”

Is that so? Does living with Chanyeol in a warehouse make Baekhyun uncomfortable? No. That’s not it.

“You said you watched me for a long time before approaching me, but I keep wondering if you only saw what you wanted to see.” Baekhyun presents before taking a seat across from Chanyeol, who’s looking at him as if he’d suddenly grown a second head. “What do you even know about me? You might think you do, but you don’t. You think you can read me, but you skipped the preface and picked a page at random. Do you really think you know my power and emotions better than I do? I’m not like that stray dog you saved, Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun’s tone is gentle and his words are harsh, but maybe getting slapped across the face by reality was exactly what Chanyeol needed to understand him better.

“Stop pretending to know everything about me and take the time to learn, instead. You came into my life and stomped onto everything I built throughout the years, and gave me nothing to pick myself back up. I had a routine to make myself feel like I had everything under control even if I didn’t, but then I came here and had nothing.” Baekhyun swallows and lowers his gaze to his hands resting on his lap, and finds himself fumbling with the words stuck in his throat. “Why did you help me? My life was none of your business and yet you decided to enter unannounced and uninvited and turn it upside down, even though I never asked for it.”

Chanyeol shuts his laptop and has the decency to look ashamed and guilty while Baekhyun talks, then moves his chair closer to the table and rests his hands atop it. They’re covered in scars, too, and Baekhyun slowly brings his own up to compare them; Chanyeol has bigger hands and thicker fingers with short nails, whereas Baekhyun’s are smaller and slender and surprisingly steady. Fire and light. Destruction and creation. The hilarity of the situation amuses Baekhyun.

“And God said, “let there be light”, and there was light.” Chanyeol recites, catching Baekhyun by surprise. “That’s from Genesis. I’m not religious but I’ve been thinking about that a lot. Isn’t light often depicted as a sign of hope? I admit that I screwed up by misjudging you, and even Jongin said I wasn’t doing the right thing by treating you the way I did. I’m sorry.”

Baekhyun purses his lips and slowly draws his hands back, thinking about everything that Chanyeol had just said. Could he trust him for real?

“I misjudged too, so I guess we’re even now.” He says after a moment of silence, the corners twitching up into some sort of awkward smile. He’s still not good at this but maybe eventually he’ll figure out how to do it. “I’m sorry, too. You’ve been through this already so you know what it’s like to hate yourself for hurting your family and being unable to do anything about it. They think I’m dead and at the beginning I wished I was. You said I’d rise like a phoenix when the right time came, and that’s what I’m aiming to.”

And to do that, Baekhyun needs to work with Chanyeol. He gets that now.

“Sorry I treated you like an outsider and a weakling.” Chanyeol says, and Baekhyun can tell that he’s being sincere. 

“Sorry I behaved like one.” He replies as he slumps against his seat and heaves out a sigh, coming to the uncomfortable realization that, in order for things to work out, he’s going to have to make an effort and stop running away from situations he’d rather avoid. Leaving his room to strike a chat with Chanyeol and not going back right after is a huge progress, though, so he isn’t hopeless. “Let’s start with the basics, yeah? I know my power and you know about the Recruiters, so tell me about them and I’ll tell you what I can do.”

Chanyeol shifts his weight and gets up to grab some more coffee from the pot, offering some to Baekhyun who politely declines. He’d gladly have an energy drink, though, but he doesn’t feel confident enough to ask. It’s alright. He isn’t thirsty, anyway, and he’s more eager to learn about everything he ignores.

And learn is what he does. The Recruiters, like Chanyeol kindly informs him, are a select group of people that the government has given the task of “scouting” those with supernatural powers or exceptional abilities, though the term isn’t all that accurate considering that most of the times their targets are forcefully taken away to never be heard of again.

It might seem eerily similar to Chanyeol’s method of saving his life, except the fire bearer had no ulterior motives for doing it besides keeping him safe and sound within his possibilities, rather than using him for his own benefit. Baekhyun knows there’s a lot at stake but he decides to take the risk and trust Chanyeol.

“What’s the plan? Are we going to run and hide from the Recruiters forever?” He asks at last and in all seriousness, earning himself a smile from the redhead. While he hopes that the answer is to remain passive and not engage into any kind of confrontation, a part of him is tired of running away and would want to get this over with once and for all. “Well?”

“We’ve yet to decide what our next step will be.” Chanyeol simply says before bringing the mug to his lips and taking a sip, sighing as he lowers it and sets it back down on the table. “I agree that this isn’t life at all but we can’t right up attack them, either. We’d be outgunned and I’m not sure victory would be attainable.”

“But we have our powers—”

“And they’re smart. We don’t know how many Recruiters are there or what kind of people they’ve got at their service; underestimating them or making assumptions would be deadly for us.” Chanyeol sighs. “We’ve talked about this. Someday we might have to face them but we don’t want to be the ones that start the fight.”

A pacifist? A Strategist? Maybe he was just a really wise man? Despite possessing a power that could easily wipe out an entire town and leave nothing but ashes behind, Chanyeol was choosing to stay at the sides and let things follow their natural course rather than jumping into action and possibly leading everyone to their demise. He’s a natural born leader and Baekhyun’s starting to understand why Jongin and Kyungsoo have put their trust on him. (He also believes that they’d follow him to the end of the world.)

“So, what do we do?” Baekhyun asks although he thinks he already knows the answer, but he’d still like a confirmation from Chanyeol. Moreover, he _needs_ to hear it from him; he needs to know that there’s something more out there, that not all hope is lost, that they can make it through this.

“We carry on living like we’ve been doing until now.” Bingo. “I told you, didn’t I? It was imperative that you died in order for you to live, and this is it. You might be dead to the rest of the world but you’re more alive than ever.”

Chanyeol leans back and slips his hands into the pockets of his pants, closing the fingers of the left around the almost empty pill bottle that Baekhyun still knows nothing about, whereas Jongin and Kyungsoo know too much. Only ten pills to go and then—what has to happen, will happen, right?

 

&&&

 

**Part IV. Chaos theory.**

A single white pill rests on Chanyeol’s palm. It’s round and small and its surface is smooth and glossy, and it easily glides down his throat without him needing any water to aid with the swallowing. He’s used to having his pills dry, after all, and this is the last one he’ll have in a very long time so why should he take it in any other way? He closes his eyes and feels it settle in his stomach along with the beer he drinks right afterwards, although it does little to soothe down his anxiety fueled by the uncertainty of what’s going to happen now that he’s out of pills.

He's scared, but he won’t admit it out loud. 

“Do you ever stop and think about what you’re doing with your life?” Baekhyun asks from the couch in front of the TV screen, pausing the movie he’s watching to peek at Chanyeol over the back of it. Despite being the reserved type, he’s become a lot more talkative over the week and Chanyeol appreciates the effort he’s doing. “Is there anything you regret and wish you could forget, or perhaps something you’re proud of and wish you could somehow go back to those days?

It’s an interesting question and Chanyeol inwardly thanks Baekhyun’s timing because this is just what he needed to get his mind off his current concerns. He grabs his beer with his right hand and tucks the left one into the pocket of his pants as he makes his way over to Baekhyun, sits down next to him, and stretches out his legs as he sinks into the couch with a sigh.

“Don’t we all tend to reminisce the past, wishing we could fix our mistakes and make the happy moments last longer? The answer to your question is yes, of course I do.” Chanyeol says, his voice soft and words unrushed, taking another sip from his beer before addressing Baekhyun. “What about you?”

Baekhyun pushes his glasses up his nose and runs his fingers through dark, silky locks, pulling his feet onto the couch and bringing his knees to his chest. It’s a bit hard to explain what he’s feeling and thinking right now but he tries anyway because regret and guilt have become staples in his life and it’s the least he can do to thank Chanyeol for trusting him and opening up to him.

“Certainly, but I guess there’s no point in crying over spilled milk, right?” He says, shrugging some and propping his chin atop his knees. “I have many regrets. Coming here made me realize that, but now it’s too late to fix them and do the things I should have done while I could. My routine made me feel safe, you know? It helped me feel like I was in control of everything but I forgot that I wasn’t omnipotent and therefore life would happen how it was supposed to, whether I was okay with it or not. I’m not sure if I’m making any sense right now but I think you understand.”

Does he? Baekhyun hopes so. Out of all the people he’s met and talked to, Chanyeol is the one he’s learned to confide into and trust merely based on what he’s observed and heard from and about him; Kyungsoo and Jongin are very outspoken about Chanyeol and he’s picked up a few things about him from them: he likes cleanliness and order, he doesn’t mind spending a few thousands on whatever they need to live comfortably, and he’s terribly lonely. He and the other two men might be close enough to be considered friends, but it’s obvious that talking over a video call isn’t the same as having a face-to-face, heart-to-heart conversation.

“You’ve changed,” Chanyeol points out after a moment of watching Baekhyun closely, taking note of how his mannerisms and expressions were different from the first time they met at his apartment. Back then Chanyeol was a complete stranger who had probably come off as some sort of stalker to Baekhyun, but now they seem to be on the same page and to have finally reached a point of mutual understanding and tolerance. “I saw your family the other day. Your mother’s lost a bit of weight but that aside, they seem to be doing fairly well.”

Baekhyun perks up at the mention of his family and worry paints his features upon hearing the news about his mother’s condition, a frown setting on his face and lips pursing. He doesn’t go off like last time, though, and this prompts Chanyeol to continue talking.

“I actually felt tempted to walk up to them and tell the truth. Is that weird?”

“Why would you do that?” Baekhyun asks, clearly confused but also curious as to why Chanyeol had changed his mind and almost gone against his own rules of keeping a secret the fact that he was alive and kicking. “I’m glad you didn’t, though. Knowing that I’m faking my death would’ve caused them more pain and they’ve been through enough. Besides, how would we have explained that we did this to protect ourselves because we’re different from the rest of the world? I’ve been thinking about it. I’m almost certain that my family would support me if they knew I have a strange power but, what if they turned their backs on me instead?”

As much as Baekhyun wants to believe that his family would be there for him no matter what, he can’t pretend that there isn’t a possibility that they might react badly to the news and cast him aside like the freak he was. Worst case scenario, they’d cut off all ties with him and maybe even turn him in to the Recruiters, which would also explain why isolation was the only reliable way to prevent this from happening. If his family knew the truth they’d be in danger, and Baekhyun couldn’t afford that; while he didn’t sign up for this, he doesn’t think it’d be fair for anyone else to get dragged along into this mess.

Chanyeol merely smiles and his burn scars become more pronounced when the action pulls at the leathery skin partially covering the left side of his face, making it look a lot more asymmetrical than it actually is. Baekhyun notices how large his ears are compared to the rest of his head and that he’s missing part of one, but he doesn’t look as intimidating as he did in their first encounter. 

Rather than feeling in danger around Chanyeol, Baekhyun feels safe. He knows that Chanyeol won’t let anything happen to him, although he hasn’t figured out yet whether he likes or loathes the feeling.

“When we met you asked if I was some kind of stalker.” Chanyeol says and rolls his eyes when Baekhyun huffs because he certainly remembers that. “I wouldn’t call myself one, but I definitely spent a lot of time watching you and even followed you a few times, but I don’t think you ever became aware of my presence. You were always lost in your own thoughts, disconnected from the rest of the world. Naturally, I became curious about you.”

“That’s a nice story but it’s not really helping your case, you know? You still sound like a stalker.” Baekhyun returns as he leans against the couch with a sigh, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Why didn’t you approach me sooner, if you were that interested? What took you so long? The day you brought me here I felt like a part of me had died for real, and at first I hated you for messing like that with my life. I didn’t know if I could trust you or if you were simply putting on a show until you had to kill me, and I think that deep inside I may have wanted you to. My life had lost its sense and I no longer had a purpose, so why bother? I was already dead to everyone else, anyway.”

Chanyeol listens in silence with his eyes fixed on Baekhyun and a heavy heart, finally starting to understand why the light bearer reacted the way he did. Had he known about his feelings regarding the way he handled things, Chanyeol would’ve come up with a different plan or at least tried to do some damage control. Then Baekhyun laughs and it’s Chanyeol’s turn to be confused.

“What’s with that face? Don’t tell me you never stopped to think about those things.”

“I’m an impulsive man, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol says half-jokingly although he’s aware of his flaws. “Sometimes I just want to burn things down or jump off buildings to feel the rush of adrenaline, but those are unnecessary risks I’d rather not take. It’s as if someone switched off and on something inside me—my self-control, presumably.”

“And I’m kind of a control freak so I guess it’s not my place to call you out over that.” Baekhyun shrugs. “Besides, you telling me beforehand about all this would’ve hardly changed anything because you did stalk me, despite your good intentions. Creep.”

Knowing smiles are exchanged and they decide to leave it at that for today, both feeling satisfied with the progress made over the past weeks that has led them to this point. Chanyeol has become more humble and is learning to listen whereas Baekhyun is finding his voice to stand up for himself, and tearing down their walls is easier with them working as a team rather than pulling in opposite directions.

Both jump a little when Chanyeol’s phone goes off and he apologizes with an embarrassed smile as he fishes the buzzing device out of his pocket, taking the call as soon as he sees Kyungsoo’s name on the screen. He doesn’t even get the chance to greet his friend before he’s being shouted at from the other end of the line by a very agitated Kyungsoo.

_“You need to get out of there, right now!”_

“W-what? Why?” Chanyeol immediately sits up with the phone pressed to his ear and his eyebrows furrowed in obvious distress, and it’s not hard for Baekhyun to be able to tell that something isn’t right. “Kyungsoo, please elaborate—”

 _“It’s them. The Recruiters—they’re headed over there in a large group._ ” Kyungsoo’s voice is so loud that Baekhyun can hear him from his spot on the couch, and the news he delivers make a cold shiver run down his spine and spread to the tips of his toes. Chanyeol pales. _“They’re bringing back-up. Three of them. You can’t win so don’t try to fight them, please. Get out. Hide.”_

Back-up. Was Kyungsoo talking about more people like them? Were they the ones that couldn’t be saved and got taken away by the Recruiters? Baekhyun can’t stop himself from thinking that he would’ve ended up like that if it weren’t for Chanyeol and his reckless spontaneity.

“Where’s Jongin? I need him to teleport Baekhyun away.”

 _“Unavailable. Last time we talked he was still in Edinburgh but we lost contact and I haven’t been able to reach him yet.”_

Chanyeol curses and starts pacing about in obvious distress and panic, pulling at his hair and biting his lip as he tries to think of a way to get them out of this situation. Baekhyun’s mind is urging him to go hide under the bedsheets and wait for the inevitable to happen, trying to lure him by displaying horrible scenarios in his head as his inner mediocre voice narrates them and insists that there is nothing he can do to save himself. 

_Me, me, me._

When did you become so selfish, boy? Who decided that your life was more valuable than other people’s? Why are you waiting to be saved? Your true colours are bleeding through and the stains won’t wash away easily. Plants can’t grow without light, and you’re a fool if you think you can get away with dimming your own to save your ass. Coward.

“Do you think they got him?”

_“No. Jongin may be young but he’s careful.”_

“I don’t need him to teleport me away.” Baekhyun’s protest surprises not only Chanyeol and Kyungsoo but also the light bearer himself. He hesitates but it’s too late to take back his words. “You’re planning to send me away and stay here to fight them. I don’t need supervision or mind-reading powers to see that.”

“But you—“

“You said I wasn’t aware of my true potential and I definitely won’t find out by running away and hiding.” Even though he’s scared out of his wits. “Both of us are getting out of here. No one stays behind.”

Chanyeol is staring at him as if he’d grown a second head and a third eye in each one, taken aback by Baekhyun’s straightforwardness and unusual assertiveness. All these months of following and watching him closely and Chanyeol didn’t seem to have learned nearly enough about him, yet Kyungsoo had somehow managed to put his finger on the right spot by suggesting that Baekhyun was much more than a mere source of light.

Baekhyun is energy and has transformed right before his eyes with such subtlety that the inner changes went completely unnoticed whereas the outer ones manifested as his good days where he’d shower and leave his room to have lunch with Chanyeol, and if he was feeling well enough he’d even chat and smile a bit. How could he miss the signs? 

“I’d really like to avoid a fight so please, if it’s not too much to ask, let’s get moving.” Baekhyun insists, aware that every second wasted here brings them closer to a much dreaded showdown with the Recruiters.

“But—”

 _“Chanyeol, they’ve split into two groups and they’re coming for me. I need to get somewhere safe and try to locate Jongin. I’m sorry.”_ Kyungsoo apologizes hurriedly and then the line dies out, leaving Chanyeol and Baekhyun on their own although they don’t blame him for what he did. Fear is a very powerful enemy and Kyungsoo has done enough for the both of them.

“Can we take one of your cars?” Baekhyun asks out of the blue as he walks past Chanyeol and gestures to the vehicles lined up at the other side of the warehouse, halting on his steps and turning around when he realizes that Chanyeol isn’t following him. “What’s wrong?”

The redhead shoves his phone into his pocket as he forces himself out of his stupor and strides over to where Baekhyun is, deciding not to tell him about the heat quickly building up inside him as the effect of the pills starts to wear off. He’s thankful that Baekhyun isn’t as perceptive as Jongin because now is not the time to come clean about everything he’s been hiding from him.

“They draw too much attention. We won’t get past them unnoticed.” Chanyeol states matter-of-factly as he keeps walking with no intention of slowing down. Baekhyun frowns.

“Well, we have to get out of here somehow.” He insists, sprinting to catch up with the taller and keep up with his pace. “What about your bike? We could ride it, just like we did when you brought me here.”

“We could certainly use Jongin’s power right now—”

Baekhyun jumps in front of Chanyeol and extends his arms to block the path and force the taller to focus on him, shaking his head lightly. He didn’t endure the discomfort of abandoning his old life nor the despair of almost losing himself only to get killed here because Chanyeol is being stubborn.

“Jongin isn’t here and he can’t help us. No one can.” Baekhyun speaks slowly and clearly, enunciating each syllable to make sure that Chanyeol understands the predicament they’re in and gets a grip on himself. “It’s us against them. We can’t win but we can be smarter than them, and if things don’t go our way we can always put up a good fight and die with dignity.”

“Didn’t you say you’d rather avoid any confrontations?” Chanyeol asks with a raised brow and narrowed eyes, recalling what Baekhyun had said when he first brought him here. “You said you weren’t made for this kind of things.”

“I don’t want to fight because I don’t know how to, but you know what they say: the same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg.” Baekhyun is talking too much and he isn’t nearly as brave as he’s making himself up to be, but this little white lie could save their lives.

His words seem to be enough to plant the seed of curiosity in Chanyeol and after some pondering he decides to grant Baekhyun the benefit of doubt. He conveniently decides not to mention that his body temperature has gone up a few degrees and his fingers have begun twitching. He’s scared of losing control over his power just like he did a few years ago, when he got those burn scars that would eventually become a painful reminder of how weak he actually was.

Jongin had offered to get him the pills that would help him control his power and Chanyeol had repaid the favour by providing him with everything he needed and wanted, although Jongin was too noble and humble and had simply asked for protection and a roof over his head. Those pills had been fabricated by the government itself and weren’t available to the public, hence Jongin had to sneak into one of their labs to steal a few bottles to help Chanyeol with his situation after the latter came clean to him about how frightened he was of losing control over his power and harming someone.

Maybe the glowstick analogy wasn’t about Baekhyun but rather about himself, and he needs to break in order to shine. Fire could be destructive but wasn’t it a source of warmth and light on its own? Fire could melt a piece of broken glass for it to be turned into something new, and with a bit of gunpowder it could make the night sky light up with a beautiful display of fireworks.

“Chanyeol, please. This is not the time to panic—”

“Listen to me and leave the questions for later.” The taller interrupts Baekhyun and silences him by cupping his cheeks and squishing them together, furrowing his eyebrows in thought. “I’ve been taking some pills to help me control my power because I never learned how to properly do it, but I just ran out of them so I don’t know what’s going to happen, or when. I might go off. We might have to fight and do things we’d rather not do, but they’re not going to take us away. We are not going to let them.”

Baekhyun has questions but he knows better than to bomb Chanyeol with them when they should be trying to find a way to outsmart the Recruiters and get out of here alive. He’s also aware that they’ve got no time to make detailed plans, much to his displeasure, but he’s thankful that Chanyeol is the type of guy who can easily come up with them on the go. They can make it.

“Okay. Which way do we go?”

“The same way we came in.” Chanyeol straightens up and tugs Baekhyun towards the side of the warehouse where his cars and bike are lined up (Baekhyun still doesn’t know what he needed so many cars for), but then the redhead lets go of his wrist and halts on his steps as if he’d bumped into a glass panel. “Wait.”

“What is it?” Baekhyun bends forward with his hands on his knees to catch his breath, only now realizing how terribly out of shape he is. How is he going to escape from the Recruiters if he can’t even sprint a short distance without getting tired and panting? He wouldn’t blame Chanyeol for leaving him behind.

“Your plant.”

“Are you crazy?” Baekhyun sputters as he lifts his head to look at the taller, baffled that he could be thinking about a cactus he’d had for less than a month when they should be running to save their lives. Moreover, he doesn’t understand why Chanyeol is the one showing concern over the wrong things. Is it because the plant was a gift? While Baekhyun still loves plants, this one doesn’t hold such a deep meaning to him as the ones he had back at his place. “We need to go!”

“It’ll only take a minute.” Chanyeol insists as he takes a couple steps backwards, gesturing for Baekhyun to stay put and not even think about following him. “Get moving, alright? I’ll meet you outside.”

“Hey, where are you going? Come back! It’s not—”

_It’s not that important. It’s just a plant. It’s okay, we can leave it. I’ll carry on even if it’s gone but… what am I going to do if you get killed? You’re my only hope to make it out of here in one piece._

All those thoughts cross his mind but none leaves his mouth when he suddenly becomes concerned about coming off as too selfish if he voices them out, unsaid words clogging up his throat and choking him up. The black dog and the snake emerge from the shadows cast over the ground by the flickering lights and he knows then that they never left; they’ve been lurking, waiting for the right moment to come out from their hideout to chew at Baekhyun’s ankles and tie up his hands as a reminder that he still belongs to them and they won’t let him go that easily.

 _“Even a plant is more important than you!”_ The snake says tauntingly, slithering over to Baekhyun and twisting around his feet. _“He’d rather save a plant than get you out of here. Did you really think he cares about you? He pities you, just like everyone else. You’re worthless. He’s probably planning to escape on his own and leave you behind, because you’re nothing but a burden to him. Can’t you see that you’re slowing him down and holding him back?”_

The black dog is smaller than the last time Baekhyun saw it but its presence still makes the young man tremble with fear, for the dog’s teeth are razor sharp and its jaw is strong enough to break his bones as if they were twigs and tear his flesh apart. And yet, he finds comfort and reassurance in the familiar low growl telling him that he doesn’t need anyone else as long as he has them and keeps them close. Yes, the snake and the black dog are Baekhyun’s friends, aren’t they? They’ve been there when everyone turned their backs on him, wiped his tears every time he cried, and scared away whoever tried to get too close to him—but Baekhyun never asked for their intervention.

“I can see why anyone would choose to save a plant over me,” he tells the snake as he hesitantly reaches out to pet the black dog’s head. “Plants produce oxygen, after all, and without them we’d be doomed. On the other hand, my existence isn’t vital for anyone. I haven’t done anything remarkable or made a difference in the world. I’m selfish and seldom think about other people, whereas everything Chanyeol does is for a greater good and would die for his cause.”

 _“You don’t need him, either.”_ The snake hisses from around Baekhyun’s ankles, its amber eyes gleaming menacingly. _“You’re selfish. You have no one. You’re better on your own. Why are you listening to him? He left you and won’t come back.”_

“What if he does?”

 _“What guarantee do you have that his intentions are good and he isn’t planning to use you? For all we know, he could be keeping you around to hand you over to the Recruiters so he can run away from them.”_ The snake insists, wrapping its body around Baekhyun’s thigh. The black dog merely growls in agreement and Baekhyun doesn’t feel like petting it anymore.

“He wouldn’t.”

_“He will.”_

How much time has passed since Kyungsoo’s call to alert them about the Recruiters coming to get them? Has Chanyeol been gone for long? Baekhyun’s lost track of time and his two companions keep trying to distract him from focusing back on the present. They’ve been meddling with his mind and senses for so long that the fine line between truth and lies has become blurred and Baekhyun is standing somewhere in the middle. 

“You’re not real. Chanyeol is.” Baekhyun states firmly as he stomps his foot repeatedly in an attempt at shaking off the snake, ignoring the hissing and growling coming from both animals. They aren’t happy about Baekhyun trying to break free from them and think for himself. “It’s not me who’s selfish and now I realize that. It’s you. You broke my spirit and filled my mind with thoughts of worthlessness and self-hatred, then fooled me into believing you were the only ones that understood me and you’d keep me safe. You tricked me and I was naïve enough to buy all your lies and listen to everything you said. But no more.”

_“Disappointment awaits you. Is this how you show gratitude towards us? You’re nothing but a weak child that doesn’t belong anywhere and is too scared to do anything about it. Why would someone like Chanyeol put his life on the line for you?”_

The snake has a point and the black dog keeps growling at him, baring his fangs and salivating at the prospect of sinking his teeth into his flesh and dragging him back to the shadows. Baekhyun has belatedly come to realize that such a dark place isn’t for him, but better late than never.

“You’re nothing but a loud mouth, and you… you’re just an angry puppy pretending to be tough.” Baekhyun’s never been one to hurt animals but since neither the snake nor the black dog are real he decides not to hold back. He closes his fingers around the snake’s head and tugs at it until he manages to unwrap it from around his torso, then throws it as far as he can while the black dog merely stares and tries to decide what to do next. When Baekhyun looks back at it, he finds that the big black dog that used to terrify him has now become a harmless puppy that can’t even properly coordinate its feet. “You…”

Sighing, Baekhyun picks up the confused black puppy and cradles it in his arms, holding the small animal against his chest. He notices that their hearts are beating in a similar tempo and the puppy is wagging its tail excitedly and whimpering a bit in his hold.

“Be good and behave. I know you’re scared and so am I, but if you stop attacking me and stay like this I’ll protect you.” Baekhyun murmurs, resting his cheek against the puppy’s head with a sigh. “You’ve been with me for so much longer than that horrible snake so next time it comes out feel free to play with it. I won’t mind if you go overboard and bite its head off.”

_…hyun…_

_…Baekhyun…_

“Baekhyun, what are you doing standing there?” 

Chanyeol’s voice brings him back to his senses and Baekhyun learns that it’s been less than a minute since the redhead ran off to retrieve the plant from his room, and neither the snake or the black puppy are nearby (or nowhere to be seen). Now he gets it. Rather than drawing a line to separate what’s real and what’s not, he ought to learn how to tell apart the things living inside his head from everything happening on the outside world; the black dog and snake were created by his mind to help him cope with his fears and inner turmoil, but things got out of control and he allowed them to overpower him. 

Chanyeol, on the other hand, had reached to him from outside his bubble and kept trying to pull him out of the hole he dug for himself despite Baekhyun’s constant rejection and indifference. Miscommunication had caused arguments and misunderstandings between them but now that some of the fog has lifted Baekhyun can see more clearly that he isn’t as deep as he thought.

It’s then that he realizes that they’re on the move and Chanyeol is pulling him by the hand across the warehouse towards the nearest exit, carrying the potted houseplant in his other arm. Why would he go such lengths to keep him safe if his life didn’t matter or if he was a dead weight slowing him down? The snake was wrong and he isn’t holding Chanyeol back. Rather, the bearer of the power of fire seems to want the both of them to move forward together.

“What’s the plan?” Baekhyun asks, holding Chanyeol’s hand tightly and refusing to let go even when they nearly collide against the latter’s black motorcycle in which he brought Baekhyun in and hopefully would get them out of there.

“There is no plan again, I’m afraid.” Chanyeol admits with an apologetic smile and, despite not liking at all how any of that sounds, Baekhyun knows that he isn’t in any position to protest or panic. “I’ll try to get us somewhere safe without running into the Recruiters but we must be prepared to fight if the situation calls for it. Confrontation shall be avoided at all costs unless our lives are at stake. Got it?”

Now that’s something that Baekhyun can agree with. He nods and slips on the helmet that Chanyeol handed him, then reaches out to help him put on his own when the plant and his stubbornness to leave it behind get in the way of his motor skills. Baekhyun thinks it’s both hilarious and embarrassing that he was once like that, except Chanyeol looks determined whereas he must’ve looked pathetic.

“You focus on the road ahead and I’ll watch your back.” Baekhyun throws a leg over the seat of the bike and wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s waist, the roaring of the engine as it comes alive sending a rush of adrenaline through Baekhyun’s body. “Let’s go.”

Baekhyun closes his eyes and holds his breath while he gets used to the speed of the bike and because he’s scared of whatever is waiting for them outside the warehouse, but he eventually forces himself to open his eyes and see what they might have to fight against if things go wrong.

Except there’s no one.

It’ll be nighttime soon and they’ll be out in the open unless they hurry up and find somewhere to hide until the danger has passed, but even then they wouldn’t be able to let their guards down or return to the warehouse in a while, just in case the Recruiters have decided to linger around to surprise them. He doesn’t know where they’re headed to but anywhere but the warehouse sounds great, althoagh he doesn’t dare ask where they’re going to spend the night.

“Didn’t Kyungsoo say that the Recruiters were coming after us?” Baekhyun asks over the noise of the engine and the wind whistling in his ears, frowning lightly in confusion. “Could he have been mistaken?”

“I don’t know but I can’t think of any reason why he’d lie to us.” Chanyeol speeds up and Baekhyun holds tighter onto him, worried and unable to shake off the sensation that they’re being closely watched and followed. “We couldn’t stay and wait to see if something happened, either. That would’ve been catastrophic.”

Baekhyun nods and hesitantly turns his head to take a look at what they’ve left behind, wondering if Chanyeol’s heart is beating as fast as his own. It’s a bit ridiculous and even painful to think about all the money spent on equipping that warehouse and turning it into a habitable place, but Baekhyun also admires Chanyeol’s ability to detach from the material things and make saving lives a priority.

“What was that?” He asks after another minute of silence between them amidst a noisy world, propping his chin on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “You going back for the plant, I mean. That could’ve gotten you killed.”

“I couldn’t just leave it there.”

“Why not? You left everything else and didn’t bat an eye.”

“I owed you.” Three simple words that make things even more confusing for Baekhyun, who doesn’t understand how the man who helped him stay alive could owe him anything. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? “I knew how much your plants meant to you yet I killed them anyway. I could’ve left one alive for you to bring here, but that possibility never crossed my mind. I thought that by giving you this I could make it up to you for what you lost, and I figured that if I brought this along you’d be okay anywhere.”

“I appreciate what you did and the reasoning behind it, but… I’ll be okay even without it.” Baekhyun is pleasantly surprised by how easily the words flow out of his mouth, and even more so by the sincerity in them. “I was attached to my plants because I grew them myself and they taught me a lot despite not possessing a voice, but what good would it do for me to dwell in the past?”

Chanyeol laughs almost imperceptibly, and Baekhyun would’ve missed it entirely if his broad shoulders hadn’t shaken when he did. What an odd time to be laughing, he thinks, but if Chanyeol can bring himself to feel joy despite the situation they’re in then he must endure the ride and hold onto hope.

“What was that? Are you making fun of me?”

“No! I was just thinking about how much you’ve matured.” Chanyeol explains, amusement present in his voice. “I still thought it’d be nice for you to have something to look after and to remember me by.”

“Why?” Baekhyun asks out of sheer curiosity, pondering over the meaning behind Chanyeol’s choice of words. If he’s teasing, then both can play the game. “Are you planning to go somewhere without me?”

As if on cue, the brakes of Chanyeol’s bike stop responding altogether and the fire bearer curses as he tries to steady it and slow it down before they crash into something, but he’s completely lost control of the vehicle. Both riders and the potted plant are sent flying across the air and land a few meters away from the bike, and Baekhyun had never been more grateful in his life for helmets; he’ll probably get a few scratches and bruises from the rough landing and rolling over the pavement, but hopefully he won’t hold any life threatening injuries. 

Pain shoots up his spine and extends over the left side of his torso when he collides against something hard and the air gets knocked out of his lungs, but at least the world has stopped spinning. Another spike of pain makes him realize that he isn’t entirely okay but he can’t tell whether he’s dislocated a shoulder or broken a rib, for he’s still dizzy and unable to think straight. He reaches up with his good arm to remove the helmet and then throws it away, gasping for air and a taste of life. 

Are his legs working? Yes. Then he can run. Where’s Chanyeol? Is he alright? He touches his face to evaluate the damage and seek for any injuries, but the only thing he finds is that his glasses are missing and he’s sweating buckets, as if he’d just ran a marathon.

“Chanyeol…?” He calls out weakly as he rolls onto his stomach and pushes himself up into a sitting position, groaning in discomfort. Yeah, that feels like a broken rib with a migraine coming along because why not? He coughs and squints his eyes as he glances around, trying to find Chanyeol despite his bad eyesight and confusion. “Chanyeol, please. Answer me.”

He couldn’t have gone too far after the crash, right? Baekhyun chooses to consider the possibility of Chanyeol having blacked out rather than being dead and takes a moment to pull himself together, holding the left side of his torso as he rises to his feet. He can hear the snake laughing at his misfortune from the shadows, mocking him for being stupid enough to open up to Chanyeol and trust him, and for believing that they could escape from the Recruiters and live happily ever after.

 _“Silly boy. What are you going to do now? You don’t know where you are and the tall idiot isn’t here to protect you. What if the bad guys find you first? Oh, what if they find_ him _first? He’ll be a dead man and you won’t have anything left, again.”_

Baekhyun gulps. He can’t allow that to happen. Now’s the time to pay back everything that Chanyeol has done for him and prove himself that he’s worthy of being alive. Screw his carefully planned routines and rituals. Screw playing safe and detaching himself from the people that care about him. Screw the despair that takes over him whenever he encounters a situation he has no control over. Screw it all.

He’s going to stay alive until he finds Chanyeol and takes him somewhere safe, even if that kills him.

The question is, where is he and where is Chanyeol? A street light nearby reveals a deserted street before him and a large stairwell behind him, and he learns upon further inspection (and more squinting) that it leads to some kind of church That’s what it seems to be, if the cross that raises from its roof towards the night sky is anything to go by. Weird. How did they even end up here?

“Chanyeol, can you hear me?” Baekhyun tries again as he starts moving his feet while keeping his eyes wide open and an arm wrapped around his torso, startling himself when he accidentally kicks the helmet lying on the ground. “Oh my god.”

Panicking and curling up into a ball to wait for either Chanyeol or the Recruiters to find him would be the easiest thing to do, but what good would that do? Sometimes risks must be taken and sacrifices must be done for a greater good, and he thinks he finally understands why Chanyeol showed up at his apartment without a plan albeit fully intending to get him out of there alive. 

He knew that he could lose his own life if things didn’t go well but, did that stop him from ? No. 

_“Fear is a natural reaction to any distressing situation but we can choose how to deal with it, and the three of us have chosen to learn how to live with it and use it to our advantage. I know it’s too soon to ask you to get where we are, but if you let us we could help you. We could teach you how to turn your weaknesses into strengths, and how to exploit your power.”_

That’s what Chanyeol had said but, unfortunately, they never got to the part where he shared with Baekhyun the secret to dealing with his deeply rooted fears and weaknesses and taught him how to use them all in his favour. Wouldn’t waiting for someone else to fix his life and give him the answers to everything be a mediocre way of living, though?

Getting involved in situations, either good or bad, is no longer a choice and neither is running away. He’s part of this whether he likes it or not and sometimes experiencing things firsthand is the best (and only) way to learn about one’s true potential. 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath and keeps his eyes open and alert, ears perked to catch the tiniest of sounds that might indicate someone else’s presence nearby or give away Chanyeol’s location. Nothing. He’s still all alone, it seems, and Baekhyun has yet to decide whether that’s a good or bad thing. Not even the snake or the dog have made their appearance and that’s unnerving. Didn’t they say that they’d never leave him alone?

_“If we ended up in a dark place with no flashlights, who do you think we’d rely on? Maybe you can’t destroy things like Kyungsoo and me, but you can use your power for great things, too. We’ve all been lost but we found a way to make a new path for ourselves to walk on.”_

Back then Chanyeol’s words didn’t make sense but now Baekhyun has begun to understand the meaning behind them. He’s a walking lightbulb that doesn’t need any electricity to work because his light comes from within rather than from an outer source. What happened to the world being the canvas where he could paint whatever he pleased with the light that poured from his fingertips?

The street light flickers before going off but Baekhyun doesn’t flinch because he knows that this is his doing. Now that darkness has taken over he can shine brighter than ever before. He takes a cautious step to his left and then another, then stops when something snaps under his foot and he’s familiar enough with the sound to know that he just stepped over his glasses. That’s also the moment where he hears the pained moan that helps him deduce two vital pieces of information: Chanyeol is alive, but he’s not in good shape. He’s got yet to find him and his bike, too.

_“You just have to turn on the light, Tinkerbell.”_

Baekhyun closes his eyes and takes a deep breath although he almost immediately regrets it due to his broken rib, and lets the energy flow through his body. It spreads to the tips of his fingers and toes and fills him up with warmth and a sensation of weightlessness, and when he opens his eyes he finds himself surrounded by orbs of light the size of marbles and ping-pong balls floating around him and over his head.

They glow brighter than the street light and will inevitably draw the attention of any passer-by, so Baekhyun has to act quickly before the wrong people find him and he and Chanyeol are doomed.

“Chanyeol!” He shouts louder than all the previous times, mapping the area with his eyes trying to spot either Chanyeol or his bike or both. The orbs of light follow him everywhere he goes and leave behind a glittery trail before completely disappearing into the night, and if he wasn’t in such a rush he would’ve probably stopped to play with them and admire the beauty of his power. “Please…”

Another pained moan answers his call and Baekhyun directs his gaze in the direction where the noise came from, squinting his eyes as he takes hesitant steps towards the pitch-black shape on the ground. He soon learns that he’s looking at Chanyeol’s bike and the fire bearer has got the lower half of his body trapped underneath it. He’s still wearing his helmet, though. Thank the heavens.

“It’s me. Don’t move.” Baekhyun announces as he drops to his knees and blocks out the pain caused by his broken rib in order to tend to Chanyeol and survey the damage he’s suffered. He carefully takes off the redhead’s helmet and sets it aside before cradling his head in his hands and gently lifting it off the ground to rest it atop his own thighs, shuddering when he notices the blood trailing down the right side of Chanyeol’s face. “Can you hear me? Are you hurt?”

Chanyeol clearly is in pain but he still manages to smile through it and even gives Baekhyun a thumbs up to reassure him that he’s alright, causing the latter to huff in disbelief.

“I couldn’t dismount the bike on time. I think I broke a leg but I’m not sure. My body hurts all over.” Chanyeol strains out and licks his lips, attempting to push the vehicle off of him from the position he’s in but Baekhyun stops him. “Why?”

“Let me do it.” Baekhyun says, aware that Chanyeol could end up causing more damage to himself if his leg is in a bad angle or a ligament has been torn. “I’m not Kyungsoo with his superhuman strength but I’ll try. I’ll check first the condition of your leg, alright? The Recruiters haven’t caught up to us yet so either we lost them or they’re waiting for us to tire ourselves out before they come get us.”

Baekhyun sets Chanyeol’s down on the ground again and gets back onto his feet with a bit of effort, directing the light orbs to the redhead’s lower body that’s partially hidden under the heavy bike. It seems to have merely crushed him, as there’s no blood or exposed bones, and Baekhyun thinks he can move it enough to free Chanyeol and drag him away. He’s got yet to figure out how he’s going to do that before the Recruiters locate them, and claiming not to be worried and scared would be a complete lie because he’s terrified. What’s different is that he no longer is letting those emotions control him.

The bike is a lot heavier than he expected and Baekhyun’s injury isn’t letting him move around too much, and it doesn’t help that he’s never lifted a fallen bike before. The first attempt makes his eyes tear up and he gives up almost instantly, his face scrunched up in agony and sweat beads covering his forehead. The light orbs fade and they’re once again surrounded by darkness and whoever’s lurking around, but at least now they have each other’s presence to comfort themselves.

“I…I can’t do it.”

 _“Leave him behind.”_ The snake whispers into Baekhyun’s ear out of the blue, caressing his cheek with its tail. _“Save yourself. You don’t need him anymore! He won’t be able to protect you in his current state so why bother keeping him around? Once the bad guys arrive here, it’s over for you and you know it. Can you really afford to risk your life like that for someone who isn’t worth it?”_

Isn’t the snake contradicting itself by trying to coax Baekhyun into saving his ass after having called him a burden while they were still at the warehouse? What kind of filthy strategy is that? Why would he listen to the snake and ditch Chanyeol, who didn’t only save his life but is also the only person he wholeheartedly trusts? While he did come off as a stalker at first, he’d proven himself worthy of being let past Baekhyun’s walls and getting to know the real person hiding beneath all those layers.

“Listen up and do as I say.” Chanyeol raises his voice slightly, barely above Baekhyun’s loud heartbeats. “Position yourself on the seat with your knees lightly bent and your feet firmly placed on the ground, and extend your arms at your sides. Grip the handlebar with your left hand and the opposite end of the bike with the right one, and start pushing backwards. Use your quad muscles. That should be enough to get this thing off me. Don’t be afraid to hurt me.”

_“What are you waiting for, you idiot? Run!”_

Baekhyun ignores the snake’s whining and hissing and produces a couple brand new orbs about the size of tennis balls before doing as Chanyeol instructed and getting into position with his knees bent and feet planted at either side of the redhead’s body. Baekhyun’s broken rib is hurting him again and he becomes genuinely concerned that it might pierce one of his lungs if he overdoes it, but if that’s what it takes to free Chanyeol and get them out of there then so be it.

“Just a little more. Almost there.” Chanyeol cheers, groaning in a weird mixture of pain and relief when the bike is finally lifted off his lower body, breathing out a sigh as he lies down again with his eyes tightly shut. “Thank you.”

“That wasn’t so hard. Now let me check your leg so we can get going—” He murmurs, ignoring his own discomfort in favour of returning to Chanyeol’s side to check on him, pulling his hand away with a shriek as soon as he touches the other man’s skin and finds that is unnaturally hot. “You… you’re burning! Is it a fever? What should I do?”

Interpreting the meaning behind Chanyeol’s expressions would require too much energy and concentration from Baekhyun’s part and right now is not the moment for him to try to perform a full psychoanalysis on the fire bearer , thus he settles for hoping that whatever’s happening isn’t too serious. It’s impossible to tell whether Chanyeol’s at the verge of having a meltdown or if he just regained his strength and is crafting a new survival plan.

“Remember I told you about the pills I was taking because I never learned how to properly control my power?” Chanyeol finally asks while remaining unnervingly calm for someone in his situation, sitting up with some difficulty. Baekhyun reaches out to help Chanyeol keep his balance by placing a hand on his back and nods.

“You said you just ran out of it and had no idea of what would happen, or when.” He says, quoting what Chanyeol had said earlier, and something clicks inside his head. “Don’t tell me... do you think that the fever is a sign that the effect of the suppressants is starting to wear off?”

“You also remember that story I told you about the bullies and the dog and how I accidentally set myself on fire, yes?” Chanyeol continues and Baekhyun’s gaze focuses on the burn scars on the left side of his face, refraining from reaching out to touch them. “I think it’s going to happen again but at a much bigger scale.”

Hold on. What does that even mean?! Baekhyun frowns deeply and clicks his tongue while he assimilates this piece of information, forcing his thoughts to stay away from the reality he isn’t ready to face. Could the inevitable be avoided? Well, he’d been able to adapt to a different life after being subtracted from his own so there might be a chance for them to turn things around.

“Is there anything I can do to help? You name it and I’ll do it.” Baekhyun offers out of sheer desperation, moving the orbs closer to Chanyeol’s face to inspect his head wound again. It doesn’t seem to be very deep but hey, he’s no doctor and what he does know is that Chanyeol is bleeding and has a broken leg.

“Yeah. Get out of here while you still can.”

“No way. Absolutely not. We’re supposed to leave together.” Baekhyun all but grumbles as a scowl makes its way onto his pale face, clutching Chanyeol’s shoulders. He can feel the heat radiating from his body and seeping though his clothes, but doesn’t let go. “That’s the plan and we’re sticking to it.”

“The Recruiters will be here soon. You have to go.” Chanyeol insists.

“You said that no one had to die for real and one day we’d rise up like a phoenix from the ashes.” Baekhyun feels about to cry out of frustration but he forces the tears to stay in his eyes and swallows down the lump forming in his throat. Crying wouldn’t fix anything, anyway, and something tells him that he’ll have plenty of time to bawl and mourn once all of this is over.

“Where’s the potted plant?” Chanyeol asks after looking around for a bit as if wanting to brighten the mood, although Baekhyun can’t bring himself to worry about a _damn_ plant and a shrug is all he offers in response. “Sorry. I really tried to keep it safe but I guess I didn’t do enough.”

“Is that what worries you? Please, Chanyeol. Don’t be ridiculous.”

A patch of space at Baekhyun’s right warps and his first thought is that there must be a glitch in reality and the Recruiters might be behind it, which prompts him to move his body in front of Chanyeol to shield him, shooting sparks from his hands as he prepares to attack. Whether this is a Recruiter or one of their forces, he’ll bring them down before they can even attempt to lay a single finger on Chanyeol.

“Jongin?”

Despite this being the first time he sees him face-to-face, Baekhyun knows exactly who this person is. Kim Jongin. His power is teleportation and he’s slightly younger than the light bearer, but his height is deceiving and could easily trick anyone into thinking that he’s much older; weirdly, that’s sort of reassuring because Baekhyun happens to be on the shorter side. Jongin’s aura is the one of a teenager, though --gentle and pure, uncorrupted and kind—, and Baekhyun sighs in relief because he won’t need to fight anyone yet. 

“I came here as soon as I located you.” The boy says as he approaches the two men on the ground, taking a moment to admire the light orbs that Baekhyun created using his power. Beautiful and practical.

“Where’s Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol asks, disregarding Jongin’s concerned expression upon noticing the trail of blood running down the side of the older man’s face.

“Hidden in a safe place, I promise.” Jongin explains and offers a small smile for emphasis, straightening his back and perking his ears when he detects something strange in the atmosphere. Neither Chanyeol or Baekhyun do, but they trust Jongin’s senses. “Someone’s coming.”

The Recruiters will catch up to them very soon and every second they waste chatting there brings them closer to ending up caught into a dangerous situation that might have a disastrous outcome that they’d all rather avoid. Chanyeol is aware that his current state will slow them down so he decides to take one for the team and do what will be best for everyone. (Even though the others would strongly disagree.) 

“Jongin, take him with you.”

The silence that follows the redhead’s words is a thick one that leaves Jongin and Baekhyun struggling to find the right words to break it. No one wants to part ways, let alone like this, and Baekhyun would rather fight the Recruiters and lose an arm than abandon Chanyeol to his luck.

“What? No! I’m not leaving you here!” He cries out when he’s gently pried away from the redhead by Jongin, squirming in his hold in an attempt at freeing himself and returning to Chanyeol’s side to knock some sense into him.

“Please do as I say. You know that’s the only right thing to do.” Chanyeol insists despite Baekhyun’s protests and pleas, using a firm tone this time around. “I ran out of pills and my condition isn’t good. It’s dangerous if you stay out in the open any longer, and I’ve become a threat to you and Jongin. I don’t want to hurt either of you so, please, leave.”

Baekhyun stops squirming and stares incredulously at Chanyeol, waiting for the moment he’ll apologize for joking and will use his brain to put together a new plan that will allow everyone to get out of there alive. What’s taking him so long? Seconds are ticking away and the Recruiters will arrive any moment now, so why isn’t Jongin moving or doing anything to stop this madness? He can’t possibly agree with Chanyeol’s crazy request to flee and abandon him there.

There must be something he can do to help, but what? Chanyeol is too heavy for him to carry and he’s got a broken rib, which would represent a big obstacle of its own even if they weren’t being chased by the government. Jongin seems to be struggling to obey the orders given to him and Baekhyun can tell by the way his hands are trembling that he isn’t okay with this, either, but he doesn’t dare to go against what could be Chanyeol’s last will.

“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol calls out at last just as Jongin is getting set up to go, drawing the attention of both men. “I have a black dog, too. It coaxed me into following you around to feel better about my own life, but then I found myself doing it because I was genuinely interested in you. I haven’t been completely honest and I’m sorry about that. I became obsessed with the idea of fixing you when you weren’t even broken in the first place and that was very selfish of me. I thought I knew enough about you based on what I choose to see but I was wrong and my stubbornness ended up hurting you. I’m sorry.”

Car lights alert Jongin of the proximity of the Recruiters and he can feel his heart rate picking up and perspiration collecting in his armpits despite the cool night breeze. Yet, he doesn’t dare interrupt Chanyeol’s farewell to Baekhyun. It’s also the first time he hears about this and something tells him that making Baekhyun aware of his true feelings towards him is of vital importance to Chanyeol.

“If everything goes well, you should be able to reunite with your family soon enough.” The redhead says with a smile that’s meant to be reassuring and comforting but the effect it has on Baekhyun is the opposite and even Jongin tenses up. “I know that this isn’t ideal but, in order to save you, it’s imperative that I die. It’s alright. I’m ready.”

The situation gets worse when Chanyeol’s body starts to catch fire and Baekhyun is no longer able to hold back the tears or stay silent. He shouts and cries and kicks but Jongin never loosens his grip on him, not even while dragging him away from Chanyeol whose flames continue spreading over his body until they completely engulf him, from head to toe.

Baekhyun can’t believe that Chanyeol is burning alive right before his eyes and he isn’t allowed to do anything despite how much the bearer of fire did for him. Stupid Chanyeol and his selflessness. First he saved a stray from some kids and now he’s sacrificing himself for the greater good, so no one else had to die. Why do the good guys always have it the hardest? Why do they all die doing the right thing? 

_I’m your only hope to get alive out of here._

Is it acceptable for him to give up on hope now that Chanyeol is gone? It takes Baekhyun a moment to realize that there are tears still running down his cheeks and he’s stopped fighting Jongin, who’s gone silent and is staring at the bright flames rising to the starry sky. The light orbs around them pop like bubbles when Baekhyun runs out of energy to keep them up and then they start to fade until only darkness and flames remain. Nothing matters anymore and this isn’t Baekhyun being overly dramatic; he genuinely feels that way.

“They’re here.” Jongin strains out when a couple black cars with no plates and tinted windows emerge from the shadows and pull up nearby, at a safe distance from the flames. “We have to go.”

The doors open and three men exit the car with their hands up to shield their eyes, and it’s then that Baekhyun realizes that Chanyeol’s flames are shining brighter than before and have risen higher, reaching a height of almost eight feet above the ground—but what is everyone staring so intently at? 

“Wait…”

Something amidst the flames is moving and Baekhyun’s gut is warning him of an upcoming danger, and for the first time in years his snake passes up on the opportunity to bomb him with snarky comments and uncomfortable questions to mess with his head. The black puppy is whimpering in fear and tugging at his pant leg as if trying to get his attention to convey him a message, and Baekhyun decides to pay attention to the signals for a change. Chanyeol wasn’t exaggerating when he said that staying would be dangerous.

“Jongin? Let’s go.” He urges all of a sudden while pulling at the younger boy’s shirt, his heart beating fast as he drags him away from Chanyeol’s flames. Something big is about to happen. He can sense it in the dense air and the trembling of the ground beneath their feet, and he knows it’s time to go when he catches sight of the moon taking shelter behind a cloud passing by. “Get us out of here, now!”

Jongin gets a firm grip on Baekhyun and prepares to teleport them away, using his powers to create a hole in space that will allow them to travel across it and exit in a different location. How does he do it? That’s something that only Jongin knows and refuses to share with anyone, and has even denied Kyungsoo from learning his secrets.

“Okay. Teleporting feels like going in the back seat of a car driving at a very high speed—”

The Recruiters don’t seem to have acknowledged the actual severity of the situation yet, which works in their favour, and although Baekhyun does appreciate Jongin’s consideration towards him by trying to explain what he’s about to experience they really can’t afford to have this conversation right now. 

“Screw that. Don’t you see what’s happening? Chanyeol is using the oxygen in the air to keep his flames alive and he’s got an unlimited amount of it since we’re out in the open. What do you think will happen to us if we stay here?” Shock registers on Jongin’s face and Baekhyun nods to confirm what he’s thinking. “Chanyeol is powerful enough to wipe us out. Just do it. Now.”

Anguished cries pierce through the otherwise silent night when Chanyeol unleashes the true nature of his power and sends the flames out to perform their deadly waltz around the oblivious Recruiters, and Baekhyun is left momentarily breathless when he realizes what he’s looking at.

Darkness closes in on him when Jongin activates his powers and they get sucked into the space hole he created, and a second later they’re spat out in a completely different place from the one they were at. However, the image of what was left of Chanyeol’s body exploding into flames and morphing into a gigantic fire phoenix would take a lot longer to abandon his mind.

 

&&&

 

** Part V. Re:Birth **

 

To say that life is unfair would be a severe understatement and Baekhyun is exhausted of that crap. There will always be bad guys around to screw things up and mess with the delicate balance of the universe; likewise, there’ll always be selfless idiots like Chanyeol that will do anything to try to stop the bad guys and fix what they broke, and won’t hesitate to sacrifice for the well being of others. 

Many would applaud the action and label it as a heroic act of bravery and courage, but Baekhyun can’t bring himself to agree and share the feeling because Chanyeol shouldn’t have gone the way he did. What was he thinking when he decided to turn himself into a human bomb? Was he naïve enough to believe that his death would change anything, or that the government would stop chasing them? No one would acknowledge his sacrifice, so why bother?

The media had reported it as a fatal accident between a motorcycle and a car where both vehicles had caught fire after crashing into each other and unfortunately claimed the lives of everyone involved. They called it a tragedy and extended their condolences to the families of the victims, then went on to list to the audience the dangers of drinking and driving and reminded them to wear a seatbelt. It was all bullshit since they were putting the blame on Chanyeol of something he didn’t do and antagonizing him through their lies. 

Oh, but the only thing worse than those upsetting feelings was Baekhyun’s guilt. Why did he leave Chanyeol behind? Sure, he’d told Jongin to take him away but Baekhyun should’ve tried to find a way to either get Chanyeol out of there too or stay with him even if that meant losing his own life. Instead, he’d behaved like a coward and urged Jongin to teleport them somewhere safe as soon as he sensed the danger. What a terrible hypocrite.

Forty and a half hours have gone by since the incident and both Baekhyun’s snake and black puppy have remained silent through it all, staring at him from the opposite side of the room.The boy is currently curled up in a corner, knees bent and arms wrapped around his legs, his heart heavy with emotions he’s too scared to acknowledge and name; it’s like some sort of Pandora’s box is inside him, waiting for him to give in and unleash the horrors within.

“I’m the reason he’s dead. If he hadn’t gone through all that trouble because of me, Chanyeol would still be with us.” Baekhyun tells Kyungsoo later in the afternoon when the latter comes in to check on him and retrieve the virtually untouched lunch sitting on a tray, pursing his lips in disapproval and concern. “It’s my fault.”

Just like dreams came true, so did nightmares. Baekhyun had looked out the window earlier and found himself looking at the place he’d already seen when he was deeply asleep, where water covered the concrete ground stained with shimmery red paint and tall, abandoned buildings rose around him, as if mocking his unlucky existence.

He’d been told by Jongin that this would be their temporary hideout and they’d be staying there until the coast was clear and it was safe to reclaim their lives. Kyungsoo was already there waiting for their arrival, and the disbelief and heartbreak on his face when he realized that only Jongin and he had escaped made Baekhyun wish he’d been the one to die instead. Chanyeol was well liked and respected among his friends whereas Baekhyun was still the stranger for whom he’d put his life on the line and risked everyone else’s safety.

“I don’t mean to be disrespectful with my words but there is no other way to phrase this and I think it’ll be better if you hear it as it is.” Kyungsoo says, sitting down on the edge of the bed with his arms crossed defensively and eyebrows furrowed. “You weren’t the centre of Chanyeol’s universe. His life didn’t revolve around you, and his decisions weren’t made based solely on you. This was his choice and it’s unfair that you’re taking all the credit.”

Kyungsoo’s words are somewhat harsh but he does have a point and no one forced Chanyeol to do what he did. Despite this, Baekhyun still can’t seem to find comfort anywhere and he catches his snake laughing at him as it slithers across the floor and curls by Kyungsoo’s feet. The black puppy gets up upon finding itself alone and goes over to Baekhyun, and is then that the young man realizes that the puppy is growing again and it’ll turn into a full adult in no time if he allows it to start feeding again on his sadness and misery. Then the biting at his ankles would return and the snake would try to strangle one more time, and Baekhyun was afraid that this time they would succeed and there would be no way to escape from them.

“I know what you’re thinking. What a selfless idiot! His sacrifice was in vain because the world and people are still rotten… am I right? But you’re wrong.” There’s a pause in which Baekhyun tenses up, unsure of what’s going to come next. Kyungsoo isn’t showing it on his face but he’s upset and Baekhyun thinks he knows why. Kyungsoo huffs. “Scrap that. Chanyeol was pretty selfish, actually. He wanted to be the change that the world needed, and by taking out the Recruiters himself he would be ensuring our safety—your safety.”

Baekhyun remains silent, mulling over Kyungsoo’s words until he eventually gathers enough courage to ask what has been swirling around his head ever since he and Jongin arrived last night—no, his gut had told him that before but he needed to confirm his suspicions regarding a certain situation.

“You liked him, didn’t you?” He asks at last, lifting his head a bit although he still doesn’t dare look at Kyungsoo in the eye. “Your expression said it all. You were expecting him to be with us and you were disappointed when you didn’t see him there.”

Had he known about Kyungsoo’s feelings before all this happened, Baekhyun would’ve tried harder to bring Chanyeol back in one piece and maybe Kyungsoo would still see him as some sort of friend and ally rather than the embodiment of mediocrity that keeps on pitying himself because that’s what he does best and living in misery is easier than getting up and fighting his own demons.

“He liked you, and that’s all there is to it. I knew it, and he knew nothing about how I felt. It was my choice not to tell him so stop beating yourself up for something that’s none of your business.” Sighing, Kyungsoo gets up and picks up the tray he came to retrieve in the first place, wearing a mask of calm and maturity to hide his grief. 

“If you could go back in time and talk him out of saving me, would you do it? Would you tell him that I’m not worth the risk and he’d be better off with you, who’s far smarter and stronger than me?”

Kyungsoo stops by the door and purses his lips in thought, dropping his gaze to the tray in his hands and the bowl of cold soup, gazing at the scallions floating about. Then he smiles.

“What kind of person do you take me for?” And Baekhyun isn’t sure of what to say in response to that, so he opts for staying silent. “He didn’t like you enough to make his life revolve around you, and I didn’t like him enough to get in the way of getting what he wanted. I’d rather us move on and forget that we ever had this conversation. There’s no one to blame besides the Recruiters and the government. It is what it is, and we should stick to that.”

The door closes and Baekhyun lets himself be lulled by the distant echo of Kyungsoo’s footsteps, pulling the black puppy onto his lap and burying his face into its neck, closing his eyes and ears to the rest of the world and whatever’s happening outside the room.

 

 

_(to) procrastinate. Verb. Delay or postpone action , put off doing something._

Establishing a routine used to be a lot easier, but the chaos in his mind has taken over whatever tiny motivation Baekhyun used to have to keep his life together. 

Waking up in the morning and getting out of bed are overrated and he can’t think of a good reason to do either, so instead he stays curled up under the covers sleeping the grief and guilt away. Why bother turning on the light when the darkness is clearly stronger than him? Why bother trying to redo his life when he can’t bring Chanyeol back?

His mind feels like a blender that’s been loaded with too many things and has no lid on, and he knows it’s only a matter of time for someone to turn it on and spill the contents everywhere. (That would be bothersome, seeing as he might not have the strength to clean up the mess.) Life should come with a rewind button but alas, it doesn’t, and even if it did he doesn’t think that’d make much of a difference anyway. The change comes from within, they say, but he’s too scared to take a look and get sucked into the hole in his chest.

Maybe the most frustrating part is that everyone else is trying their best to cope and heal so they can carry on living, whereas Baekhyun is stuck in a sliver of time and space where all the days feel the same.

“Hello. My name is Sehun.” A tall, young man with heavy British accent stands by the door, leaning against the wall with his hands behind his back and eyes filled with curiosity. Baekhyun ignores him and pretends to be still asleep. “I’ve been around for a while now but Kyungsoo and Jongin suggested I waited to introduce myself. They said that Chanyeol was very fond of you and that you were having a rough time coping with his passing, so… I thought I’d drop by and—”

“Please leave.” Baekhyun requests quietly from the bed, stirring a little. “I don’t want to talk. Hell, I don’t even want to think about it but I can’t turn off my thoughts. My mind is loud and keeps on contradicting itself: it urges me to move on but also refuses to leave the past behind; it clings onto the idea that I’m the one to blame for what happened but at the same time insists that I’m not, and therefore I should forgive myself. I don’t even know you so I don’t understand why I’m telling you all this.”

The blender is on and Baekhyun is spilling, pouring his heart out to a stranger and melting into the bedsheets, bottled up emotions overflowing in the form of tears that he roughly wipes away with trembling fingers that are glowing shyly, as if they were afraid of the light bearer’s rejection.

“Stop!” Baekhyun shouts upon noticing his glowing fingertips, kicking off the covers and surprising Sehun by throwing them across the dimly lit room as he rises to a sitting position. He’s panting and his cheeks are flustered and the only thing more surprising that his sudden outburst is seeing that the young man with sharp eyes and the power to control wind has made himself comfortable on the floor. “What are you doing?”

“Maybe you told me all that because something inside you told you that I might be able to help.” Sehun says calmly, offering Baekhyun a kind smile. “Moreover, I think you _want_ to be helped.”

Baekhyun suppresses a scoff because _hey, that’s the most ridiculous thing anyone has ever told you_ , according to the snake, but it’s actually not that crazy at all. In fact, it makes perfect sense. What good would it do to deny the obvious? He’s tired of living like this.

“I feel responsible for what happened to Chanyeol.” He says as he drops his gaze to his hands and brings his palms together, heaving out a sigh. “Kyungsoo says I’m not and part of me knows that, but I keep telling myself that the outcome would’ve been another if I had done something differently. Should I have fought the Recruiters?”

“Would that have made any difference?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve never fought anyone before and my power doesn’t seem very fit for that, anyway.” Baekhyun opens his hands to reveal a butterfly batting its wings slowly and elegantly, but what makes this butterfly so special is that it’s entirely made of light. “See? This is all I know how to do with it.”

Sehun gets up and dusts off his clothes before walking the few steps that separate him from Baekhyun’s bed, blowing gently at the butterfly perched on the light bearer’s palm. All it takes is a gentle batting of its wings for the butterfly to rise and fly over their heads, the magical sight making Baekhyun smile for the first time in weeks. The moment is short-lived and the butterfly explodes in a shower of sparkles but Baekhyun is the exact opposite of sad; he’s fascinated by what he just witnessed, and his gut is telling him to trust Sehun and rely on him.

“Jongin and Kyungsoo are out for the day so it’s just the both of us.” He says, as if having read Baekhyun's mind, then picks up the glasses on the nightstand and offers them to the light bearer with a smile on his face. “If I say there’s something I want to show you, will you come with me?”

And that is how Baekhyun willingly gets out of bed and cleans up for the first time in days despite the snake’s insistence that he’d be better off by himself, but the black puppy’s wagging tail is enough to reassure him that this is the right thing to do.

Why is it so hard to get himself together, though? He doesn’t recall it being such a difficult and extenuating task to accomplish, not even on his bad days, but the encounter with the Recruiters and losing Chanyeol had weakened him and he had yet to regain his strength. He changes into clean clothes that Sehun provides (they’re probably Kyungsoo’s, if the size is anything to go by) and downs a big cup of a coffee latte before Sehun is dragging him out the door and down several flights of stairs.

“Where are we going? Is it okay for us to be out like this on our own? Won’t we get in trouble for not telling the others about this?” He asks while waiting for Sehun to disable the lock so they can get out, scanning his thumb fingerprint on the pad next to the door. This place isn’t as well equipped as the warehouse but the austerity is far less intimidating than all the fancy technology, and he catches himself thinking about Chanyeol again. “I can’t go out. I faked my death and people will be confused if they see me walking around town, not to mention that I’d be risking everyone else’s safety.”

“No one will find us here. I promise we’re safe.” The young man with the sharp eyes, kind smile, and the power to control the wind pulls the door open and gestures for Baekhyun to step out first. “Do you even know where we are?”

“Jongin said this would be our new temporary hideout but that’s it. Aren’t we in still in Korea?” Baekhyun asks as they step outside the building, clearly confused by Sehun’s care free attitude and apparent disdain for rules and figures of authority; such would be represented by Kyungsoo, who is the one leading the “team” now that Chanyeol’s gone.

“Does this place look like Korea to you?”

Baekhyun huffs.

“This actually looks like my nightmares.” He says, bringing a hand up to shield his eyes from the sun as he glances around. He’s seen this place so many times that he already feels acquainted to it and the decaying buildings and the shimmery red paint smeared over the concrete ground. “The ones I used to have, at least. It’s been a while since I’ve dreamt with anything that isn’t darkness.”

“We’re in Arizona. Jongin picked this place after detecting mysterious signals coming from a nearby location, and everything points towards them belonging to another one of us.”

Well, that explains…nothing. Baekhyun hums and walks alongside Sehun, who doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest by the sunlight bathing them and casting sharp shadows on the ground. Was this Chanyeol’s idea of somewhere safe when he asked Jongin to teleport him away? No. Sehun said that they’d moved here after sensing the presence of a power like theirs, so this was most likely Jongin's decision.

“He found me in Edinburgh and brought me here, then told me to find a safe place for four people to live in and I happened to come across this building.” Sehun explains, leading the way away from their hideout and towards a more deserted area where the buildings have been replaced by plains and mountains that line up in the horizon, their silhouettes contrasting against the clear sky. “It’s funny that you claim to have seen this place in dreams. Maybe you have psychic abilities, too.”

“That sounds like a stretch. It was just a weird coincidence.” Baekhyun says with a small smile and suddenly reminisces a conversation he had with Chanyeol where he’d told him that he wasn’t depressed but rather lost, and briefly wonders if he’s strayed away from the path again and Sehun is here to help him get back on track. “What is it that you want to show me, by the way?”

“I actually don’t know! You see, the wind speaks to me in a language that no one else understands –even I have trouble deciphering what it is trying to tell me-- and right now it wants me to take you where an old friend is waiting to greet you.” Sehun says, more questions arising in Baekhyun’s mind. 

“That makes absolutely no sense because I don’t know anyone here. Hell, I wasn’t even aware that we were overseas.”

A childish laughter from Sehun follows Baekhyun’s words causing the latter to slow down until he halts completely, lightly tilting his head and narrowing his eyes when the wind blows and he catches a whiff of burnt wood. Sehun notices that he’s fallen behind and turns on his heels to beckon him over with a wave of his hand, and Baekhyun obliges with a light roll of his eyes.

“You’ll see once we get there.”

 

 

Phoenix, Arizona. 17:11 hrs.

A red-tail hawk flies over the plain extending beneath the limitless sky, its attention drawn towards the oddly shaped figure among the shrubs and grass. Since it’s no animal and it’s too big to prey on, anyway, the hawk merely ignores the _thing_ and continues looking for small mammals to feed on. 

The mysterious thing moves.

 

Phoenix, Arizona. 17:12 hrs.

Except the thing isn’t a thing but actually a man lying on the ground with his limbs stretched out like a starfish and his face hidden under a black hat to protect it from the sun.

A hand comes up to remove the accessory from his face, revealing a pair of green eyes framed by slightly furrowed brows and unruly auburn curls. The man sits up and reaches for the golden watch he keeps in his pocket, follows the movements of the needles until a whole another minute goes by and it’s finally time to get moving.

 

Phoenix, Arizona. 17:13 hrs.

The long blue coat and mustard shirt that the man is wearing make him stand out like a sore thumb amidst the several hues of brown and green of the seemingly never-ending desert he’s been trying to escape from since that he opened his eyes that morning. So far he’s encountered a fair amount of flora and fauna throughout his journey, including creosote bushes and Palo Verde trees, and a wide variety of reptiles and birds and a couple jackrabbits. He hasn’t caught the eye of any predator yet and he hopes that it stays like that. 

This man has little to no recollection of what his life was like before he woke up one day and found himself stranded in this place, away from civilization and with his name and age as the only knowledge he possessed. He has no idea of how he got here or where he’s supposed to go, but he’s hoping to find the answers he needs before night falls and he’s left exposed to the weather and predators.

Walking nonstop for hours without food or water is finally starting to take a toll on the man and his physical and mental exhaustion keep on growing bigger as the sun makes its way down and his shadow becomes larger behind him, haunting his every step. Sweat trickles down his face and he pokes out his tongue to wet his lips, ignoring the pain shooting up his legs with every step he takes towards the setting sun. Mountains rise at his right, proud and majestic, as if to remind the man of how small and vulnerable he is; their intention isn’t to mock him, though, and he feels somewhat grateful to not be completely alone.

_Who are you?_

_No, no. What are you?_

_Are you a wanderer? Where do you come from?_

_Where are you headed to? Are you sure you’re going in the right direction?_

_Are you chasing the big ball of fire on the sky? But look, it’s leaving! You’re late!_

The man drops his hat and brings his hands to his ears in an attempt at blocking out the voices that the wind carries but it’s useless—they’re inside his head, banging at his skull and getting more insistent and violent. Can’t they tell that he cannot answer them? Can’t they see that he’s just as confused as them?

_Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?_

“Park… Park Chanyeol.” He murmurs under his breath, falling to his knees with a hunched back and teeth gritted.

_Louder! Clearer! Who are you?_

“Park Chanyeol!” The man shouts as loud and fiercely as his throat allows him, his next scream unleashing the power he’d also forgotten he had.

Flames engulf him from head to toe and burn everything within a ten feet radius, and the man would’ve freaked out if he hadn’t been so fascinated and intrigued by what was happening to him. He can’t remember many things from his previous life but he’s sure that this totally defies the laws of physics because fire isn’t supposed to tingle his skin or to make him feel all warm inside.

Moreover, fire definitely shouldn’t be making him think of glowing fingertips and black dogs.

 

 

Phoenix, Arizona. 20:54 hrs.

This has got to be a dream because there is no way that what Sehun and Baekhyun have witnessed is real. There is no other explanation—it can’t be. The ridiculousness of the situation is baffling and Baekhyun feels like laughing, but he worries that it might lead to him having a breakdown and slipping back into the darkness he’s finally ready to leave behind.

Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut and tries to talk himself into waking up, going as far as to slap his face and pinch the back of his hand, but everything remains the same when he opens his eyes again: the smell of smoke lingers in the air, the grass continues burning up, and the man kneeling on the ground is still on fire. The weirdest part is that this is awfully similar to the last time he saw Chanyeol when he went off on the Recruiters and shaped his flames like a phoenix, and Baekhyun doesn’t think he’d be able to survive losing Chanyeol again if the outcome is the same as last time.

“That’s him.” Sehun whispers, pointing at the man. “The wind told me he was waiting for you.”

Baekhyun is going to need more time to fully digest this. There’s where the snake butts in and sends Baekhyun straight into denial and tries to convince him that Sehun is lying and trying to manipulate him, but he stops listening as soon as it says that because the accusation is absolutely bonkers and he’s got more urgent matters to tend to.

Is that really Chanyeol, though? Well, who else could it be?

“Do you know him?”

Does he? Baekhyun slowly nods and extends his right arm in front of him with his hand balled up into a loose fist, unfurling his fingers to release tiny orbs that expand until they’re almost the size of a bowling ball and the light they emit is bright enough to catch the man’s attention. Another twist of his hand and Baekhyun transforms the orbs into a butterfly with glowing wings that it bats with the elegance of a real one, and he can’t help but smile a bit when the his creation lands on the fire bearer’s lips.

That’s all it takes for the man to put off the flames and look up from his hands, right into Baekhyun’s eyes. The visual contact stirs something up inside Baekhyun and he breathes out a chuckle, averting his gaze when it becomes too much for his poor heart to handle. Why isn’t Chanyeol rushing to greet him, though? He isn’t sure of the meaning behind his apparent disinterest but boy, does it hurt.

“Know him? I guess you could say that I do.” He gulps and holds his breath when the man stands up from the ground with his eyes still fixed on Baekhyun, as if trying to remember where he’s seen him before. “That’s Chanyeol. And it’s funny, you know? Back then he told me that the day would come where the pain and grief would be left behind and I’d rise from the ashes, like a phoenix, and now we’re in a place called Phoenix and—he was supposed to be dead. We all thought he was, so I guess you kind of understand why I’m having trouble processing all of this.”

Baekhyun copes with the situation in stages. The initial confusion makes way for joy and relief, but then a myriad of ugly emotions take over and he starts seeing red when anger and betrayal deliver their blow to Baekhyun’s heart. What has Chanyeol got to say about this? Where has he been all this time, and what has he been doing? Is he even aware of how much pain he’s caused to everyone? 

Then comes fear, twisting Baekhyun’s stomach into knots and squeezing at his throat, pretty much like his snake whenever he ignored it and did whatever he pleased regardless of whether it approved or not. Speaking of which, the snake has been awfully quiet since he and Sehun left the hideout and ventured into the wild. 

Nervousness strikes next but thankfully it’s more merciful than the previous emotions. It builds up steadily from the inside out, starting by making Baekhyun’s heart beat quicker and louder and then spreads to the rest of his body and soon he’s all clammy hands and an almost unbearable urge to run away because he suddenly decides that he isn’t ready to deal with this. 

“Oh. He’s coming over here.” Sehun announces quietly, his voice effectively pulling Baekhyun out of his thoughts and back to reality, although the panic and nervousness don’t go away. “Are you okay?”

Baekhyun is glued to his spot with his eyes following every step that Chanyeol takes towards them, his thoughts racing and glimpses from the past flashing behind his eyelids whenever he blinks. This man isn’t the same Chanyeol that Baekhyun knew, but he’s undoubtedly still _Chanyeol_ even without the fiery red hair and the burn scars on his face and neck. Some of the wrinkles caused by excessive worrying and frowning have disappeared too, making him look closer to his actual age –Baekhyun suspected It was somewhere between twenty-three and twenty eight— rather than to entering his thirties.

He stops when he’s a few feet away from the other two men and Sehun steps closer to Baekhyun, reaching out to hold the hem of his shirt although he can’t tell whether he’s doing this to show his support or if he’s scared of Chanyeol. 

“Kyungsoo is going to freak out when he sees you.” Baekhyun says as nonchalantly as he can manage to break the tension between them, flashing Chanyeol a friendly smile that doesn’t get reciprocated.

“I’m sorry, who?”

Baekhyun’s smile falters an his heart threatens to drop to his stomach when Chanyeol politely asks who he’s talking about, and he can’t help but be sorry for Kyungsoo and his one-sided feelings for the man. It’s unfair, but who said that life was anything but merciless and ruthless?

“Kyungsoo! You know, our friend.” Baekhyun insists in hopes of helping Chanyeol remember, glancing helplessly at a confused Sehun that doesn’t know what to do, either. 

“I don’t recall meeting anyone under that name. I’m sorry. In fact, everything before me waking up in this place is blurry and confusing.” The taller man apologizes, once again staring at Baekhyun with those piercing green eyes of his. “But I do remember your face.”

That’s the breakthrough moment that Baekhyun wasn’t exactly waiting for but welcomes, nonetheless. 

“What happened to the succulent I gave you?” Chanyeol asks hesitantly, and it’s then that hope makes its appearance inside Baekhyun. “I can’t remember your name or how we know each other, but I’ve definitely seen your face before. You like plants. That’s why I gave you one to look after.”

Baekhyun takes a step forward despite Sehun’s grip on him and thinks that is funny how the roles have been reversed and this scenario feels like he’s the one recruiting Chanyeol into their small group of weirdoes. He’s also glad that they got to Chanyeol before the government did, and the mere thought of such a horrible thing happening sends a cold shiver down Baekhyun’s spine. 

“I forgot to water it. I don’t think this is the right place to fill in the gaps of your memory but I’m glad you remember me, even if you can’t recall my name or how we met. This is enough for me.” Baekhyun lies about the succulent with a smile, trying not to get choked up although his eyes are already brimming with tears and there’s a lump rapidly forming in his throat. “This guy named Francis Bacon once said that in order for the light so shine so brightly, the darkness must be present.”

“Did he say anything about fire?” Chanyeol asks, finally looking away from Baekhyun and directing his attention to the tall, lanky young man standing behind him.

“Actually, he did. He said: “In one and the same fire, clay grows hard and wax melts.” It’s like the analogy about how the same boiling water that softens the potato also hardens the egg.” Baekhyun recites with ease, shrugging a shoulder. “I think it makes sense, and that’s something considering that the world we live in seldom makes any.”

Then he wordlessly reaches out to take Chanyeol’s hand, pulls him closer, and finally throws his arms around the tall man’s neck to pull him into a firm hug that's long overdue. The sudden and completely unexpected display of affection catches Chanyeol off guard and at first he simply stands there with his arms dangling at his sides and questions filling his head, until he eventually gives in and returns the gesture albeit a tad hesitantly.

“Hey,” a quiet voice calls from between his arms and he hums to let Baekhyun know that he’s listening. “I know that this is a lot to take in at once and you’re probably scared and confused, but we’re on your side and you’re safe here. Just please don’t go around dying and rebirthing on me again.”

 

&&&

 

**Part V.I. La Dolce Vita.**

Phoenix, Arizona. 01:16 hrs.

A gentle breeze blows and messes Sehun’s hair with its playful fingers, then caresses his cheeks and whispers a quiet apology into his ear before placing an innocent peck on his lips that tastes faintly of ashes and the pride of a job well done. 

He bites into the s’more he just finished putting together and sighs contently as he directs his gaze up to the sky, closing his eyes to further enhance the pleasant experience of enjoying a late night treat after such an eventful day. Whoever came up with this combination of textures and flavours was a genius, he decides as he swallows and goes for another bite of heavenly chocolate-y, fluffy goodness. 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun are inside waiting for Jongin and Kyungsoo to come back to the hideout so they can surprise them, and although Sehun wasn’t asked to leave he figured it’d be better to let them talk and rekindle whatever had been going on between them before things went horribly wrong.

He’s currently sitting outside the building in front of a small fire with enough chocolate, marshmallows, and crackers to get him through another hour or so, and he uses this moment of peace and quiet to think about his own broken family and the sad life he left behind. Who knows what he’d be doing right now if Jongin hadn’t shown up to take him away from the place he used to call his family and the place he was taught to call home despite feeling alienated from it and its inhabitants.

Well, he’d probably still be miserable and hopeless. Sehun chuckles at the thought and shakes his head before eating the rest of the s’more, looking up from his hands when someone takes a seat beside him and rests their head on his shoulder. He tries not to smile too wide but fails, and nudges Jongin’s side.

“Welcome back. Rough day?” He asks and proceeds to offer the newcomer some of his food. Jongin does accept a piece of chocolate and pops it into his mouth without second thought.

“Sort of. We think that Korea is safe for us to go back.” Jongin informs. “You’re coming with us, right? We can’t force you if you’d rather stay, but I think you’d like it there.”

Sehun laughs and nods, reaching for a marshmallow to shove into Jongin’s mouth while trying to listen to what the wind has to say regarding all this. It agrees, and Sehun feels himself growing excited over the prospect of embarking in a new adventure alongside Jongin and the others—moreover, he fancies the idea of belonging somewhere and having people to rely on.

(The wind promises him that everything will be fine if he stays by Jongin’s side, and he believes it.)


End file.
